I went to a supermarket in Borgo di Taro, Italy and ordered prosciutto. When the woman behind the counter asked what kind I would like, I suddenly had a brain cramp and couldn't remember the main two kinds of prosciutto. So, I resorted to an old habit which is I began translating from English instead of just speaking Italian. So, I of course asked for "salami duro" (hard salami). The women behind the counter busted out in a cackle that lasted for minutes. Literally. I just slunk away in shame, although I couldn't help laughing as well. (For those of you who don't know, we have two main kinds of salami in the US, Hard and Genoa). The correct word I was searching for in Italian was "crudo" not "duro." Oh well.

My sister-in-law lived in Thailand for five years, and during the first two she always visited the same cafe for her morning coffee with milk. For two years she ordered it at that cafe every morning. Once, when a Thai friend of hers accompanied her to the cafe, she heard my sister-in-law order her usual, only instead of "coffee with milk" she had been ordering "coffee with big heaving breasts." Of course, when her Thai friend burst out laughing, so did all the cafe workers. Oddly enough, they never broke a smirk before. They never corrected her, nor did they embarrass her or ridicule her.

My last incident is a botched pronunciation spoken to my colleagues (academics). For a year I used to leave committee meetings to go to lunch at a nearby restaurant. It was a tapas place. A few times I asked my colleagues if they'd like to come along. No one would ever come to eat with me there. It was very odd. A year later one of my colleagues asked me why do I visit "topless bars" during the school day? This is really a true story.