Yet reading it, I had a moment where I thought, "no". why ? Cos I'm transgendered and the one thing I want is invisibility. I don't want to "pass" a casual glance, I want to be unquestionably, socially undeniably female. I don't want to be "out", I just want to be.
Of course, I'm out here. At the time I first wrote about it, it never occured to me that anybody might assume I was born female (aka a Day-One'er). It has also been useful for me to write about something that, obviously, matters so much to me and receive a friendly hearing.
And whilst I was transitioning, everybody at work knew (and some had problems with it) and all my friends knew, and some of them had problems too and we are no longer close (or even friends).
So I have been "out". But I try not to wear it as a badge. and I wonder about all the gays that don't want to wear a badge either, they don't want to be gay so much as they just want to be. They don't want to be defined by who they sleep with.
And I guess that's what being out is all about. We live in times where we can't just be. I never could and never will just be. But by being out now, we work for a time where others can. We are the ones who have to work for the peace others may come to enjoy.
So...today, just this once, I'll wear the badge. I'm lucky, in the UK others fought for my peace. But, if at some remove I can help stand up for those who cannot imagine peace, then today this is what I do.
I am Helen. I am a transgendered woman.
(sorry if that's a bit melodramatic but I didn't know how to do it properly) keep to the Fen Causeway
I don't want to be "out", I just want to be.
I think we all understand that. "Pretending that you already know the answer when you don't is not actually very helpful." ~Migeru.
you are the media you consume.
What does Aravosis, as a gay man, have in common with a little girl whose mother gave her HIV in utero, or a heterosexual African man who contracted HIV from a female prostitute, or a junkie living on the streets of Bangkok, Thailand? Presumably, a common interest in ending AIDS. And what might he have in common with transgender people? Some sense that a person's suitability for employment had something to do with their ability to do the job?
But the idea that all gay people are "straight-acting" and therefore not subject to restrictions on hetero-normativity is also ridiculous. A man having a picture of his husband on a desk is non gender-conforming. A lesbian can be thrown out of a ladies toilet for being too butch.
Gay identity politics was dealt with so long ago that people forgot it was ever an issue. So don't say that sexuality and gender identity are not issues that are parallel and independent, they intersect in all sorts of ways. Remove gender transgression and you leave a huge great hole in gay protections. keep to the Fen Causeway
So don't say that sexuality and gender identity are not issues that are parallel and independent, they intersect in all sorts of ways.
Aha, double negative. Whoops. I meant...
Gender identity and sexuality are not parallel and independent, they intersect in all sorts of ways.
On one hand I really dislike the artificial divisions created by identity politics, when all humans face extreme pressure to conform to a very specific cultural standard, but on the other hand when it comes to something like coming out, it seems like such a different process for all four categories.
I realize the point you were trying to make in your parent post could apply to almost anyone, in some sense, but seeing the term "LGBT" with "coming out day" just seemed...incongruous in some way.
"LGBT" and the way the acronym is typically used, to me, implies near total equivalence to all four identities/realities/categories.
the difficulty I have with that statement is that it's darned close to the Arovoisis position of saying that there's a descending order of leigitimacy. Primacy is given, of course, to Gay, where gay = gay men. Then lesbian because they're kindo of like gay men, but only women. Then bisexuals, who are really heteros trying to have it both ways and then we get into the really wacko people who are always trying to gatecrash and spoil our party.
that is probably not what you mean, but I've read so much on the ENDA kerfuffle that when I see statements like that, I invariably see it followed by that sort of reasoning, even if it's put diplomatically, (we call them weasel-words here aka bullshit). I've come to associate them, so pardon if I sound like I'm bristling a bit but I'm not sure where you're taking it.
I don't know what "coming out" is like for a gay person in America, but I don't imagine that the fear and sheer emotional turmoil associated with telling your parents and those who are close to you is any different. I don't imagine the pain of having your sister screaming at you that you'd be better off dead is any different.
I could write more. Much much more. We earned our place on the bus. How dare anybody, how dare you say there is no T in Gay !!! keep to the Fen Causeway
