LONDON -- British authorities announced a major breakthrough in their investigation into who stole Washington Post columnist Ann Applebaum's wallet from her Moscow hotel room during a recent tragedy-finding mission. "We believe that the Kremlin stole her wallet in order to send a message to Applebaum," said Stank. "And Putin's message to her read, 'If you come to Moscow and stay in an expensive Western hotel while looking for signs of Russia's decline, we will find your wallet. No matter which expensive Western hotel you stay at in Moscow, we can steal your wallet, run outside, go into a dark alley, open your wallet up, and find out if you're the type who keeps an expired condom in your wallet," said Stank. "Clearly, the Kremlin is operating outside the bounds of civilized behavior."
"We believe that the Kremlin stole her wallet in order to send a message to Applebaum," said Stank. "And Putin's message to her read, 'If you come to Moscow and stay in an expensive Western hotel while looking for signs of Russia's decline, we will find your wallet. No matter which expensive Western hotel you stay at in Moscow, we can steal your wallet, run outside, go into a dark alley, open your wallet up, and find out if you're the type who keeps an expired condom in your wallet," said Stank. "Clearly, the Kremlin is operating outside the bounds of civilized behavior."
