The report doesn't say if it looks at levels of community volunteering, numbers of community groups or proportions of populations attending church, all of which I imagine would increase the feeling of belonging to one's local community. I'd say the opportunities for feeling part of the local community are probably there but it involves individuals going out and seeking to be involved with activities that bring them into contact with their local community and environment.
I'd say the opportunities for feeling part of the local community are probably there but it involves individuals going out and seeking to be involved with activities that bring them into contact with their local community and environment.
Hmmm, somewhat like the regular advice in papers to lonely people "have you considered Amateur Dramatics ?".
As the person who makes the ice at parties, who could teach Toby Young a thing or two about "how to lose friends and alienate people" I'd suggest that for those, like me, who have problems relating to others it's a lot harder than that.
eg I was in awe of your neighbour Lynne at your party who must have known about as many people there as I did who systematically went round table after table spraking conversations and relating to people in a warm and personal way. Yet these are things I cannot do.
For all the difficulties you face in conversation, your simple knack of being friendly and interested in people and their issues is one that utterly defeats me. A lack of empathy, call it selfishness or self-centredness if you wish, but I don't know how. Really.
But it's not from being disinterested, from being disdainful of friendship. there's a wonderful advert I saw recently from the Autistic society which said something like "just because he doesn't know how to relate, doesn't mean he doesn't want friends". And, even if to a lesser extent, that's how I and probably tens of thousands of other lonely isolated people feel.
And I don't want to do amateur dramatics and my lack of personal warmth means I'm hopeless in so many social or volunteer situations where it's the only thing that's required. But just cos I don't know how, doesn't mean I don't want. Desperately.
And don't play me eleanor rigby, it's the most terrifying song in the world. keep to the Fen Causeway
I've had to work really hard at being able to do what I do now. I recognised long ago that I was rubbish in social situations (and I was) and yes I have a bit of an excuse but there are still times when I find it impossible to find something in common with some people and sit there in silence. It is hard to do but don't be self defeating to think that you are incapable of becoming more sociable in the way you'd like to be. You can learn how to do it until it becomes easier but you have to put yourself into situations you'd rather run from in order to learn.
btw, Lynne can do what she does because she doesn't care what people think of her - believe me she rubs many people up the wrong way with her approach to things! Ad astra per aspera
And that's my point, the lonely are like that cos we bugger up in social situations. Not cos we want to, we just don't have the smarts (emotional intelligence is the current buzzword) to do otherwise. If we did, we wouldn't be lonely.
F'r instance. and again I don't say this to invite pity, I'm just using me as an example of how we accidently marginalise ourselves.
As someone once pointed out, my "conversational" behaviour is didactic. It's a lovely word, even if I had to look it up, but it only lacks the slightly hectoring implication to sum me up exactly. I don't converse nor do I talk with, instead I talk at, I lecture. The nearest I get to conversation is when I meet someone willing to wrestle for the (my) talking stick.
And I doubt you'd be shocked how many people get pissed off by it. keep to the Fen Causeway
You recognise these things about you which means there is potential to be able to change them. There's enough self awareness there for you to be able to know when you are doing these things. So you need to learn other ways of engaging, just as I had to do and frankly just as everybody has to - it's just that some people don't always have the opportunities to learn from other people when they are younger.
As other people here have said, you are not this awful unsociable person you consider yourself to be. Yes there are some traits that require a little more give from the person you are with but these things aren't impossible to change. Ad astra per aspera
I now have one sort of friend I see about once a month and occasional forays to gay real ale drinker meets and apart from that I have no social life at all. why do you think I'm always on ET ?
So, if it seems I'm being harsh, I'm reflecting a lived experience. keep to the Fen Causeway
