12th February - My birthday
12th March - Collapse of western civilisation. Barter system reintroduced "back to true Dark Ages values".
12th April - Queue to be appointed Mad Max leads to riots
12th May - Gordon Brown calls an election
12th June - Whig Party wins ye election. Promises an end to royal absolutism and reintroduction of money "as resources allow"
Somewhere around June - Wasn't there a Euro election about now?
12th July - A porcupine is spotted in Inverness
12th August - England lose the Ashes Cricket Test Series (note for continental readers - this is accounted a greater tragedy than the collapse of western civilisation)
12th September - Whig government issues letters of marque to deserving Somali pirates and offer them free use of Royal Navy warships and bases, for a 10% cut of the profits - we have to have someone steal stuff for us, now we have no money
12th October - Dolphin sighted in Cornwall
12th November - Whig government calls for the EU to be reorganised as a new Roman Empire. The Sun opposes revolutionary madness - Romans go home.
12th December - Worst shopping period before Christmas for 2,000 years.
Better luck in 2010
Ye Dauphin of France introduces daring new plate mail armour. Prince Harry of England laughs and claims chain mail is still what all sensible royals wear.
Mobs dissipate when they realize they'd have to push the Interceptor around because there's no frickin' petrol.
