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Crooked cucumbers and co. make a European comeback | Europe | Deutsche Welle | 01.07.2009
Crooked cucumbers, knobbly carrots and other strangely shaped fruit and vegetables - the stuff of EU myth, legend and ridicule is set to return to the shelves of European supermarkets.  

It's been the most popular joke about EU overregulation: desk-bound European Commission bureaucrats sitting in Brussels with nothing better to do than regulating the shapes and sizes of fruit and vegetables.

Until now, the EU only granted space on supermarket shelves for norm-fitting vegetables or fruit, but starting July 1, strange shapes and sizes are allowed back.

by Fran (fran at eurotrib dot com) on Wed Jul 1st, 2009 at 03:02:59 PM EST
[ Parent ]
As it happens I spent the morning gardening, seeding and weeding. My troubles arose when I seized the cucumber vines whose resplendent leaves spreading every which way (as I hadn't thought to train them to a trellis), cloaked the young fruits I wanted to count and flowers I planned to pinch.

Now my display is all topsy-turvy. The plants seemed to recoil from my every move. The vines rolled over like skeins of yarn in a basket of kittens. I've no idea how to restore its leafy canopy and fear I've introduced unacceptable exposure to our yield. Fungus? Grubs? Deformities? Mutant murrikan cornichon.

Desperation drove me to drink three Tsingtao on the porch, while I pondered, What else could I do?

Diversity is the key to economic and political evolution.

by Cat on Wed Jul 1st, 2009 at 04:26:44 PM EST
[ Parent ]
MarketTrustee:
What else could I do?

Gin&tonic?

The fact is that what we're experiencing right now is a top-down disaster. -Paul Krugman

by dvx (dvx.clt ät gmail dotcom) on Wed Jul 1st, 2009 at 04:29:32 PM EST
[ Parent ]
well.done.

Diversity is the key to economic and political evolution.
by Cat on Wed Jul 1st, 2009 at 04:33:53 PM EST
[ Parent ]
You'll be happy to know that 'ugly' fruit is again allowed in the EU. Our cucs no longer have to be straight ;-)

You can't be me, I'm taken
by Sven Triloqvist on Wed Jul 1st, 2009 at 04:39:11 PM EST
[ Parent ]
Sven Triloqvist:
Our cucs no longer have to be straight

Not straight?! Oh noes! Quick, somebody pass a "Defense of Vegetables Act"!

The fact is that what we're experiencing right now is a top-down disaster. -Paul Krugman

by dvx (dvx.clt ät gmail dotcom) on Wed Jul 1st, 2009 at 04:49:26 PM EST
[ Parent ]
The new regulations are a replacement for:

In all classes, subject to the special provisions for each class and the tolerances allowed, the bananas must be:

  • green and unripened

  • intact

  • firm

  • sound; produce affected by rotting or deterioration such as to make it unfit for consumption is excluded

  • clean, practically free from visible foreign matter

  • practically free from pests

  • practically free from damage caused by pests

  • with the stalk intact, without bending, fungal damage or dessication

  • with pistils removed

  • free from malformation or abnormal curvature of the fingers

  • practically free from bruises

  • practically free from damage due to low temperatures

  • free from abnormal external moisture

  • free from any foreign smell and/or taste

In addition, hands and clusters (parts of hands) must include:

  • a sufficient portion of crown of normal colouring, sound and free from fungal contamination

  • a cleanly cut crown, not bevelled or torn, with no stalk fragments

The physical development and ripeness of the bananas must be such as to enable them to:

  • withstand transport and handling

  • arrive in satisfactory condition at the place of destination in order to attain an appropriate degree of maturity after ripening

<it says here>


You can't be me, I'm taken
by Sven Triloqvist on Wed Jul 1st, 2009 at 04:57:10 PM EST
[ Parent ]
Not to be confused with ugli fruit.
by ThatBritGuy (thatbritguy (at) googlemail.com) on Wed Jul 1st, 2009 at 04:59:53 PM EST
[ Parent ]
HOLY GMO! Ugli is trademark? You won't bloody likely see that tree in my orchard (if I had one).

Diversity is the key to economic and political evolution.
by Cat on Wed Jul 1st, 2009 at 05:15:11 PM EST
[ Parent ]
We had a plan once to apply acetate stencils around the circumference of apples to emboss a brand name during the last period of growth. I think we were too stoned to wait for the results.

You can't be me, I'm taken
by Sven Triloqvist on Wed Jul 1st, 2009 at 05:21:29 PM EST
[ Parent ]
LOL. Not that I was planning on export this season or next. Given our capital requirements are currently commited to soil conditioning as it were.



Diversity is the key to economic and political evolution.

by Cat on Wed Jul 1st, 2009 at 05:01:45 PM EST
[ Parent ]
Compost, compost, compost. I've become quite religious about it. 60 - 100 kilos a year is, of course, peanuts - but it makes me feel good ;-)

You can't be me, I'm taken
by Sven Triloqvist on Wed Jul 1st, 2009 at 05:15:00 PM EST
[ Parent ]
Compost, compost, compost.

LOL. Tell me more. I've started two 'informal' heaps and one basket cooking. (Red wigglers are on hold.) None of which simplifies the gravel isssshue or accelerates the time issshue or funds the massive tree pruning issshues.

The photo is dated and doesn't show my lovely improvements to the briar patch. LOL. It's a pity in a way that half the property is shaded.

I'll be pleased with myself if I can extend the growing season into November. I find most "cool season" vegetables quite tasty.

Diversity is the key to economic and political evolution.

by Cat on Wed Jul 1st, 2009 at 05:29:05 PM EST
[ Parent ]
I'm a prune when it comes to pruning. We had a willow hit by lightning and amputated it in such a way as all were convinced that we would be confronted  by a stump. This year we have osierville - I could be making baskets for a living if I knew my warp from my weft.

Life, like hope, springs eternal.

You can't be me, I'm taken

by Sven Triloqvist on Wed Jul 1st, 2009 at 05:58:08 PM EST
[ Parent ]
I bought a hatchet two weeks ago, and I'm saving up for a pocket chainsaw.

Diversity is the key to economic and political evolution.
by Cat on Wed Jul 1st, 2009 at 06:55:25 PM EST
[ Parent ]
'The Texas Pocket Chainsaw Massacre' would be far more gruesome than the original.

You can't be me, I'm taken
by Sven Triloqvist on Thu Jul 2nd, 2009 at 03:48:29 AM EST
[ Parent ]
but fortunately far too slow for the modern cineamgoing public, I think we will be saved this by the ADD of the youth of today. ;)

Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out.
by ceebs (ceebs (at) eurotrib (dot) com) on Thu Jul 2nd, 2009 at 05:25:59 AM EST
[ Parent ]
OMG a gadget... must... stop... coveting... GAAAH!!!

The fact is that what we're experiencing right now is a top-down disaster. -Paul Krugman
by dvx (dvx.clt ät gmail dotcom) on Thu Jul 2nd, 2009 at 04:29:01 AM EST
[ Parent ]
If the sun is very hot, shade the cucumbers with whatever seems to do the trick. You could also slip bits of cardboard between them and the soil.
by afew (afew(a in a circle)eurotrib_dot_com) on Thu Jul 2nd, 2009 at 04:45:39 AM EST
[ Parent ]
i'd give them something to climb on, they'll act miffed for a couple of days, then do a lot better.

once you've recovered from your cure that is, lol.

~"When an inner situation is not made conscious, it appears outside as fate." Karl Jung~

by melo (melometa4(at)gmail.com) on Thu Jul 2nd, 2009 at 08:57:33 AM EST
[ Parent ]
Let me tell you something uncanny. They are turning over by themselves. I've the feeling I had better erect some bamboo cane contraption before they're done or I'll never hear the end of it. Never.

Now, ought I also arrange serenades? Or is that too forward?

Diversity is the key to economic and political evolution.

by Cat on Fri Jul 3rd, 2009 at 09:05:05 AM EST
[ Parent ]
yes!!

it's so sweet, how they ask for help. the ties that bind....

if the bamboo still has side branches trail the vine 'fingers' over those and it'll support itself with no need for ties even.

~"When an inner situation is not made conscious, it appears outside as fate." Karl Jung~

by melo (melometa4(at)gmail.com) on Fri Jul 3rd, 2009 at 10:16:25 AM EST
[ Parent ]

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