I can understand why you found it hard to post your diary, Sassafras, but it's a pity because (apart from its "cathartic" usefulness to you in getting you to put your situation and feelings into words) you would probably have found you had the warm support of this community, and that might conceivably have been of some small comfort to you. Just as, when your difficulties in real life take you away from us, you are missed and thought of -- including by men.
And...it was such a small thing, really. I reminded myself daily that on the day I had to sit and cry in the doctor's car park before driving home, thousands of other people had probably done the same. And that most of them would have swapped places with me in a heartbeat. It even had its upside; I've never been a confident dresser, but that was The Summer I Wore Hats :). All of this was in the diary, and maybe I should have posted it. But the time has passed.
