I woke this morning with a palpable sense of relief that it had all been a dream. A very long, exceedingly dull yet febrile dream. But I see with dismay that yes, the general election really is all happening...

Only the British can combine the raw materials of a Queen, a prime minister, an election and a 775-room palace and from them create an occasion with all the pomp-soaked drama of a man clocking in and out of a car park.