Sat May 20th, 2006 at 10:00:58 AM EST
As you might be aware, EuroTrib has been abandoned by the gnomes. They are out partying in Paris, eating and meeting and taking pictures of rainbows and who knows what all. In fact, in an allegorical move, they're all going on a boat, practically begging for mutiny.
I have stepped into this power vacuum with poemless and Alexandra in WMass at my side. Together we shall provide firm yet benevolent leadership.
promoted by a dissident gnome...
As of this writing, the coup is bloodless. I am not, however, taking any options off the table. I assure you I am only using the threat of violence for the good of us all. It will keep an excitement in the air throughout the next few, tense hours, and perhaps drive up site traffic.
But my legacy shall not be one of fear. I'm all about compassion and transparency. I want to appear kind and approachable. I want each and every one of you to feel involved, if not complicit. To that end, I will tell you now exactly how it's going to be.
First up, tomorrow morning's European Pancake Breakfast!
We have the Breakfast every day. There's no reason we shouldn't have pancakes with it. This has been a dreadful oversight on the part of the current leadership. I don't know if it's laziness or something more sinister, but the pancakes will not be overlooked on my watch. Further, sweet butter and maple syrup will be provided. Other sorts of syrup and certain jams will also be allowed. Lemon is expressly prohibited.
Peanut butter will be the new official food of the European Tribune.
Throughout the weekend, expect a series of front-page posts documenting its many fine qualities -- its usefulness, health benefits, and peanut buttery deliciousness. Feel free to post your favorite cookie recipes and don't forget to join the live discussion on the great "honey vs. jelly" debate.
Charts and graphs are now banned.
This is something I feel is long overdue. If an idea is worth creating a visual representation, then it is certainly worth taking the time to write the 6000 words or so it would take to describe it. Charts and graphs are the easy way out and a symptom of mental laziness. Besides, they give me a headache. Statistics in small doses will be tolerated.
One last item of business -- it is now ET's official stance that privatizing water is bad. No regulatory or financial arguments will sway us. There will still be room for discussion as to how bad it is. Feel free to discuss whether it is merely bad or full-on Evil. As a gesture of goodwill, these discussions will be conducted in French.
If there are any questions or problems, please feel free to contact either poemless, who will be writing our All Russian Culture All The Time diary series, or Alexandra in WMass. who will add your complaints to the ET Wiki.
Most importantly, have fun and don't make any sudden moves!