European Tribune - Community, Politics & Progress.

Atheism - the lighter side

by Ted Welch
Tue Jan 15th, 2008 at 05:03:31 PM EST

Here are some attacks on religion by comedians, well worth half an hour. Please don't tell me that they won't persuade the religious to change their minds - they KNOW and THEY DON'T CARE. Because they so obviously don't care and are so rude on TV, they encourage the non-religious to be similarly disrespectful about absurdities and to stand up for their own views, as Dawkins and Hitchens do in their own ways. This is particularly worth encouraging in the bizarrely religious US and can help the recent growth in the numbers of the non-religious there (still a long way to go).

But anyway - I hope you find it amusing.

On The Lighter Side

This joke by Emo Phillips was voted by a jury of American comedians as #44 out of the "Best 75 Jokes Ever" in GQ Magazine. To do it justice, imagine the two participants becoming increasingly enthusiastic and animated as the conversation progresses. -- Richard Russell

I was walking across a bridge one day and I saw a man standing on a ledge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

"Well, there's so much to live for." "Like what?"

"Well, are you religious?"

He said yes.

I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

"Christian." "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant." "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist." "Wow, me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1789 or Reformed Baptist Church of God, 1915?"

He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."

I said, "Die, heretic scum!!" And pushed him off the bridge.

atheistalliance

George Carlin:

Ricky Gervais on Genesis:

Bill Maher:

There's a Time and Place for Skepticism
During the Reign of Terror of the French Revolution, one morning's executions began with three men: a rabbi, a Catholicpriest, and a rationalist skeptic.
The rabbi was marched up onto the platform first. There, facing the guillotine, he was asked if he had any last words. And the rabbi cried out, "I believe in the one and only true God, and He shall save me." The executioner then positioned the rabbi below the blade, set the block above his neck, and pulled the cord to set the terrible instrument in motion. The heavy cleaver plunged downward, searing the air. But then, abruptly, it stopped with a crack just a few inches above the would-be victim's neck. To which the rabbi said, "I told you so."
"It's a miracle!" gasped the crowd. And the executioner had to agree, letting the rabbi go.
Next in line was the priest. Asked for his final words, he declared, "I believe in Jesus Christ the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost who will rescue me in my hour of need." The executioner then positioned this man beneath the blade. And he pulled the cord. Again the blade flew downward thump! creak! ...stopping just short of its mark once more.
"Another miracle!" sighed the disappointed crowd. And the executioner for the second time had no choice but to let the condemned go free.
Now it was the skeptic's turn. "What final words have you to say?" he was asked. But the skeptic didn't hear. Staring intently at the ominous engine of death, he seemed lost. Not until the executioner poked him in the ribs and the question was asked again did he reply.
"Oh, I see your problem," the skeptic said pointing.
"You've got a blockage in the gear assembly, right there!"
atheistalliance

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Atheism - the lighter side | 16 comments (16 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)

Re: Atheism - the lighter side (4.00 / 2)

Heh. I've heard a Muslim version of that Reformed Baptist Church of God joke....

Eddie Izzard on religion:

by the stormy present (stormypresent aaaaaaat gmail etc) on Wed Jan 16th, 2008 at 07:57:32 AM EST

Re: Atheism - the lighter side (none / 0)

Thanks for that SP, great addition. Anybody else got others ?

Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner - that I moved to Nice. Blog - Nice Experience

by Ted Welch (tedwelch-at-mac-dot-com) on Wed Jan 16th, 2008 at 08:42:52 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Atheism - the lighter side (4.00 / 3)

Thanks, Ted.
Haven't laughed so much in years.
So not all secular humanist skeptics can hold their tounge, eh? At least, not right away.

Attended University of S. Carolina for a year to do some English major stuff. My philosophy and rhetoric prof was named Daughterman, and he was a true pleasure.
In the heart of the Bible belt, he was an outspoken atheist. Early on in his course, he put the reading list on the board, terrifying the troops with it's immensity, and then offered anyone who didn't wish to partake a "C" on the spot. At the door with book in hand he stood. About half the class departed. The rest of us sweated BBs for five superb months. He would take the opposite side in any question, make a brilliant case, obliterate the other side, and then, when the supporters of his position gloated, eviscerate his own argument.

Dry county- booze illegal. I watched him, one night apparently dead drunk in an illegal bottle club. He got into the usual argument with some baptists, and ran out the door waving a broom into the rainy night daring God to do him in. Onto the football practice field he ran, shreiking blasphemous curses at the top of his lungs. The Baptists cringed, and fidgeted.

A flash of light and a simultaneous "BOOM!

The baptist brigade leaped to their feet, and did a keystone cops routine without peer before rushing to the door to find the body. Another huge BOOM!
They never came back.

A few seconds later I saw Daughterman sneak back into the rear of the room and sit down with a beer. He waved me over, and drunkenly showed me a pocket full of M-80s.

After they threw him out of the University, he went to New College in Sarasota, Florida (a great art school) to become resident philosopher and dingbat.

Useful talking follows experience, the more experience the better. Talking that precedes experience is known as bullshit.

by geezer in Paris (risico at wanadoo(flypoop)fr) on Wed Jan 16th, 2008 at 08:23:39 AM EST

Re: Atheism - the lighter side (none / 0)

And thanks to you Geezer, great story, great guy - I wish I had some friends like that down here on the Cote :-)

Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner - that I moved to Nice. Blog - Nice Experience

by Ted Welch (tedwelch-at-mac-dot-com) on Wed Jan 16th, 2008 at 08:35:29 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Atheism - the lighter side (none / 1)

I forgot to add Marcus Brigstocke - wh's obviously read Dawkins, and interviewed him on Brigstocke's TV show:

And here is the follow-up commenting on the email etc. feedback he got afterwards:

Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner - that I moved to Nice. Blog - Nice Experience

by Ted Welch (tedwelch-at-mac-dot-com) on Wed Jan 16th, 2008 at 10:06:40 AM EST

Re: Atheism - the lighter side (none / 0)

The las joke precisely points out why you should have faith..a nd be religious... at the end of the day the only one which dies is, well...a non-smart non-religious person :)

A pleasure

I therefore claim to show, not how men think in myths, but how myths operate in men's minds without their being aware of the fact. Levi-Strauss, Claude

by kcurie on Wed Jan 16th, 2008 at 10:45:33 AM EST

Re: Atheism - the lighter side (none / 0)

Ho ho

Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner - that I moved to Nice. Blog - Nice Experience

by Ted Welch (tedwelch-at-mac-dot-com) on Wed Jan 16th, 2008 at 10:55:04 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Atheism - the lighter side (none / 0)

Well, you know the old saying - to err is human, to fuck up completely divine. Or something like that.

"The basis of optimism is sheer terror" - Oscar Wilde

by NordicStorm on Wed Jan 16th, 2008 at 01:49:47 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Atheism - the lighter side (none / 0)

I still think it is not farfair to represent us as complete divine fuck up morons than can not shut up even when their lifes are at danger ... I woudl have probably shut up:)

Other than that.. all of the fun above about religion and before the me-dead is fun with me :)

A pleasure

I therefore claim to show, not how men think in myths, but how myths operate in men's minds without their being aware of the fact. Levi-Strauss, Claude

by kcurie on Wed Jan 16th, 2008 at 02:10:31 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Atheism - the lighter side (none / 0)

I still think it is not farfair to represent us as complete divine fuck up morons than can not shut up even when their lifes are at danger ... I woudl have probably shut up:)

It's not meant to be fair - it's a joke. I think many Christians wouldn't find the first joke funny - though the more eucumenical of them might give it a sardonic laugh.

Also - given what you've said about Dawkins - it's a bit of a joke for you to be talking about fairness ! :-)

Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner - that I moved to Nice. Blog - Nice Experience

by Ted Welch (tedwelch-at-mac-dot-com) on Wed Jan 16th, 2008 at 04:34:10 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Atheism - the lighter side (none / 0)

I know I know.. I was meant to make a joke about we scintists not udnerstanding a joke :) I am too cumbersome...

Ohhhh and I am absolute fair to dawkins...J aj aja well not really I guess: There is a deep truth in what you say. People who have taught termodynamics (probably the only ones that really understand it a little bit) feel some kind of superiority towards the other human beings.. I know I know it is disgusting.. but it is true.. and I have seen that in a lot of other physics faces... from there one the moment we see that a so-called famous scientists (specially if we generally disagree on not-scientific issues) does not really know the second law of thermodyanmics..we can become.. well let's say that we suddenly lose complete respect in him.

I still remember vividly the day I read an article of Dawkins where he worte the second law of thermodynamcis wrong, he explained it even worse (of course it was wrong), relaized that he had never really thought about it in any meanignful way and lost the basic point by making fun of creatonism and the second law when he precisely had not the foggiest idea about the argument at hand....

So, in a way.. I was not fair.. but in antoher way I am completely fair.. I treat all scientists which do not know the basic stuff about the second law with the same disregard..... allowing me to be extremely critic about his knwoledge on biology (and absolutely self-condfident about my points outside science and about religion)

But I promise I treat all the people equal.. I still recall the day a doctor took my temperature and asked me "so what is your job?" .. "oh I am a physciist .. I am teaching termodynamics".. and he answered " oh I remember the class, luckily we doctors do not need it.. if we had to remember everything we would be lost"... I was very polite.. but of course I never came back... to almost any doctor in my life unless I know beforehand what he/she is going to give me or he/she really knows why thermodyanmics is so important for doctors :)

A pleasure

I therefore claim to show, not how men think in myths, but how myths operate in men's minds without their being aware of the fact. Levi-Strauss, Claude

by kcurie on Wed Jan 16th, 2008 at 05:02:49 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Atheism - the lighter side (none / 0)

Ohhhh and I am absolute fair to dawkins...J aj aja well not really I guess: There is a deep truth in what you say.

There's nothing "deep" about it - it is very obvious and should have been obvious to you and caused you to avoid writing something so silly about Dawkins in the first place (and see below).

People who have taught termodynamics (probably the only ones that really understand it a little bit) feel some kind of superiority towards the other human beings..

An extremely silly attitude - perhaps it's another of your little jokes - but no ...

I know I know it is disgusting.. but it is true..

I still remember vividly the day I read an article of Dawkins where he worte the second law of thermodynamcis wrong, he explained it even worse (of course it was wrong), relaized that he had never really thought about it in any meanignful way and lost the basic point by making fun of creatonism and the second law when he precisely had not the foggiest idea about the argument at hand....

Utter rubbish. If I were you and I were to think of making such an unlikely accusation, I'd take the little bit of trouble to check first. Just google Dawkins and second law of thermodynamics and one gets as first hit the refutation of your absurd accusation. Do you have a problem reading English ? He says the exact opposite, not that it's "wrong" - but that it's one of the most fundamental things in science:

Nothing violates the Second Law of Thermodynamics. The great astrophyisicist Sir Arthur Eddington put it with memorable irony. "If someone points out to you that your pet theory of the universe is in disagreement with Maxwell's equations - then so much the worse for Maxwell's equations. If it is found to be contradicted by observation - well, these experimentalists do bungle things sometimes. But if your theory is found to be against the second law of thermodynamics I can give you no hope; there is nothing for it but to collapse in deepest humiliation." It is not for nothing that C P Snow used familiarity with the Second Law as his litmus test of scientific literacy.
...
Once again, it is not my purpose here to argue for the validity of the Second Law. It is undisputed. Nor is it my purpose to defend evolution against the charge of violating it. My purpose is again to convey the sheer magnitude of the error that Burgess and McIntosh are attributing to their hugely more numerous 'establishment' colleagues, who accept evolution and supply cogent arguments against the suggestion that it violates the Second Law.
http://richarddawkins.net/article,453,The-Only-One-in-Step,Richard-Dawkins

Now run along and sign up for a refresher course in English, and stop wasting our time with this stupidity - and if you feel the urge to insult Dawkins or anyone else, try checking first - you don't want to keep on embarrassing yourself in public like this.

Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner - that I moved to Nice. Blog - Nice Experience

by Ted Welch (tedwelch-at-mac-dot-com) on Wed Jan 16th, 2008 at 07:03:42 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Atheism - the lighter side (none / 1)

Or a demonstration of: religious belief functioning as a survival trait.

teehee.

you are the media you consume.

by MillMan (millguy at gmail) on Wed Jan 16th, 2008 at 05:03:27 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Atheism - the lighter side (none / 1)

When I did my Philosophy degree, one of the lecturers, who amongst other courses did a first year course on basic pre-socratic greek philosophy had a very dry sense of humour. In the first year of degrees in Welsh universities, the student has to take 1/3 of the year doing courses from outside their main course of study. As they see it as useful in the study of religion the presocratic course tends to get flooded by students who are doing degrees in Theology. All goes well till just before the end of the course, just before christmas when he gets onto Socrates. The final lecture is TheTrial and death of Socrates, compared to the trial and death of Jesus. and how whereas Socrates death is a pure and noble thing, Jesus death is marked by betrayal, not just of the main character, but of all his principles and in fact is an ultimately sordid affair.

This one lecture is treated by many of the students pretty much as a Christmas party, and you used to find philosophy students returning year after year to this lecture, to watch the increasingly outraged theology students storming out as the realisation of what is going on in the lecture gradually surfaces in their conciousness.

Life should consist in at least fifty percent pure waste of time, and the rest doing what you please.

by ceebs (bunchofwankers (at) gmail (dot) com) on Wed Jan 16th, 2008 at 11:27:52 AM EST

Re: Atheism - the lighter side (none / 0)

Thanks for that, I wish I could have witnessed it myself :-)

Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner - that I moved to Nice. Blog - Nice Experience

by Ted Welch (tedwelch-at-mac-dot-com) on Wed Jan 16th, 2008 at 12:49:43 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Atheism - the lighter side (none / 0)

I always intended to film it, but I think he's retired now.

Life should consist in at least fifty percent pure waste of time, and the rest doing what you please.

by ceebs (bunchofwankers (at) gmail (dot) com) on Wed Jan 16th, 2008 at 02:20:44 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Atheism - the lighter side | 16 comments (16 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)

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