I may be the only human being on earth who genuinely liked this film.  Apparently it has made people "want to vomit" or feel like they've been "punched in the gut."  Hey, whatever takes an axe the frozen sea inside us.  The film begins innocently (and hi-lariously) enough in a bar where 3 strangers meet, and in the course of introductions, make up false, more interesting, professions for themselves.  A prostitute claims to be selling a Japanese contraption that produces happiness vibes.  A meat distributor claims to work in the Presidential Administration, responsible for the distribution of mineral water to the Kremlin, and a piano tuner claims to be a genetic engineer working in a top-secret human cloning project run by the State.  It's a gorgeously shot, Hopper-esque, funny scene that gives you the sense you've sat down to watch a normal movie.

Then they return to their real lives, and things get ... weird.  

There is a lot going on in this film, and I think it's a bit unfortunate that most people will walk away remembering only the lurid, disturbing doll-making drunken babushka orgy.  It's an image you can't scrub from your yes and thus might result in time wasted resenting the filmmakers for their "slap in the face to public taste."  But this is not just a shock-for-shock's sake movie.  Every last element contributes thematically to the whole.  From an artistic standpoint, I'm struck by the utter cinematic proficiency (think Tarkovsky meets Michel Gondry meets your nightmares.)  It is reassuring that some people still know what to do with a camera.  But I don't simply recommend the film on its artistic merits alone.  The leitmotif of of the number 4 - clones, dogs, piglets, dolls, sisters, prostitutes, etc. provides commentary on everything from mass production to alienation and ultimately, I believe, the valuing of life, human and non-human.  Is 4 a statement about contemporary Russia?  Probably.  But the philosophical implications and anarchic poetry of the film help it stand on its own outside its immediate historical context (unlike the book I'm about to review.)  I'll avoid film-school-speak and just say, it is quite rare to find a film that is so unorthodox and yet maintains its internal logic (though tenuously) AND has something rather meaningful to say.  I MUST commended it regardless of its arty pornography.

Before you run out and rent it, be aware that a lot of people really really hate this movie.  Are you inclined to cuddle up near the fire with Les Chants de Maldoror?  Have you done a lot of drugs, in various combinations?  Do you have a good therapist?  If you answered "Yes," to these questions, you should see this movie.  Do you spend your free time advocating for senior citizens?  Do you tend to base your opinion of an entire country on one movie about it?  Did you just finish eating?  If you answered, "Yes," this movie is not for you.  Sorry.

Also, for those of you convinced I'm a spy working for the Putin regime, there appears to be no love lost between those involved in the making of this film and those running Russia.  

SPIEGEL INTERVIEW WITH AUTHOR VLADIMIR SOROKIN: "Russia Is Slipping Back into an Authoritarian Empire"

To those running the country, a country with a fiercely strong tradition of employing its impressive film making industry in the service of the State, I'd say, yes, as the people in charge of your country's PR, you should probably condemn this movie.  On the other hand, your country's impressive film making history cannot be separated from its impressive filmmakers, visionaries and risk-takers.  So don't condemn too much.  To those doing the film making, I'd ask, are you in a gulag because you made this movie?  No?  Ok, then.  What's the problem?

[Novel]:  "The President's last love"  By Andrey Kurkov.

Do you, like I, believe Kurkov to be one of the most enjoyable, talented writers of his time and place, and Misha the penguin one of the most enduring entities to ever grace the pages of a novel?  

Then don't read this book.  And "book" is really the only thing I can call it, as opposed to "novel," which suggests some coherent structure with a purpose.  The President's last love has no discernible plot or character development, little in the way of comedy or charm (the bits about Putin, still in office in 2013, holding a high-level pool party, and Lenin being declared a Saint are cute, though I suspect that was not the intent) nor even any of the admittedly satisfying mafia intrigues and plot twists of his previous works.  Which would be fine...  If all of these missing elements served to illustrate or symbolize something that made it worth the read.  But they don't.  The dark humour and absurdity of Kurkovs past appear to have evolved into full-fledged nihilism.  It is a very long book which, I guess, attempts something post-modern by jumping all over the chronological place for no apparent reason, and any redeeming qualities it might have achieved in the original are damned to hell by a terrible English translation.  (Can't blame the author for that...)  I do not claim to be capable of translating well a novel from Russian to English.  But unfortunately, I can "see through" this translation.  You know, I adore Kurkov so much, I want to argue that even this might have been intentional.  A commentary on the futility of translation or something.  Except that the tome is littered with misspellings, lazy syntax and basic editorial problems.  Yikes!  

Apparently the Russian authorities disliked this book -What do they like!?!- because it cast Putin in a poor light.  (Are you kidding?  They should be thrilled.  Seems like a damning portrait of a -yes, literally heartless, soulless!- Ukrainian leader to me...)  I do not condone the banning of books.  However, this one is boring enough to merit some kind of retribution.  Nevertheless, it retains Kurkov's stylistic simplicity, innocence and quirkiness.  But  a protagonist's obliviousnessness ceases to be all that charming when the protagonist is meant to be running a country.  (I concede American bias.)  One review I read claimed President's last love is a "satire on post-Soviet politics."  Ok.  Uhm, I read (oh, heck, I even sometimes write) a lot of satire on post-Soviet politics.  Satire, though not required to be funny, is expected to be witty and sharp.  Witty and sharp this was not.  Whatever efforts were made at witty and sharp lost their flavour when this unnecessarily long non-story was cooked down into a literary porridge intended to last all week (400+ pages) rather than to be pleasing the palate.  

Kurkov: more salt!  or go back to penguins!  I don't care if the penguin is a literary device!  It was a successful device!  I'm sorry; I'm sure it's insulting to a man of such genius to broach the subject of reading for pleasure, but penguins, hit-men, these are good subjects!  Infertile, self-loathing, lifeless Ukrainian Presidents ... are not!

Also, I never ever want to read again about someone whose love life is more depressing than mine.  Ok?  Sheesh...  

Ok, before you run out and delete book this from your Amazon wish-list...  Delete it.  You can always check it out from the library.  And to be honest, there is nothing painful or disturbing or otherwise off-putting about this book.  If you have a lot of time on your hands, and are jonesing for some Kurkov, this will do in a pinch.  I mean, it's still better than most of the drivel out there.  It's still quintessential Kurkov.  But ... if I may go out on a limb, there is a threshold at which talent, driven by the personal, can suffer the tyranny of the personal.  Maybe I would appreciate this book more if I were Ukrainian (which also speaks to its limitations), but I just come away from this story about a pathetic human being and the pathetic human beings who surround him thinking maybe Kurkov has some issues, issues which did not survive intact the journey from his head to publication.  I could be totally wrong.  But these things do happen.

.....

There you have it.  All other reviews are wrong and I am right.  

Also, I hope I've proven that whatever the fuck the Kremlin or Nashi or whatever purported terror is mucking up Russia this week thinks of something has little influence on my opinion of it.  

Artistically, anyway.

:)