European Tribune - Cold, Windy Satuday Afternoon Joke Blog.

Cold, Windy Satuday Afternoon Joke Blog.

by LEP
Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 at 09:31:41 AM EST

I'll start.

It's sometime in the 1990's in New York. This very handsome 30 year old man, a banker of course, is arriving on his first date at the apartment house of a very attractive 28 year old woman whom he had met at a party in the Village two weeks before. They're going out to dinner. He goes to the lobby, rings her bell on the interphone and she answers "Hi, c'mon up, it's Apt. 2802." He takes the elevator up to the 28th floor, finds her apartment, and rings the bell. She yells, it's open c'mon in and make yourself comfortable in the living room. I'll be ready in 5 minutes."
He sits down in the glass walled living room with a spectacular view of Manhattan with a large balcony outside. Suddenly this little dog runs up to him with a ball in his mouth. The man realizes that the dog wants to play so he takes the ball and tosses it a few feet and the dog quickly retrieves it and returns. He does this two or three more times and is starting to get bored with the game.
So this time he tosses it a lot further and the ball goes through the slightly opened (unbeknown to the man) door to the balcony. In a split second the dog follows the ball through the door and unfortunately its momentum carries him over the railing on the balcony. I don't have to further describe what fate befell the dog.
The young man is in shock. 30 second pass and the lovely lovely young woman enters and says "ok, I'm ready, let's go."
They leave the apartment and get on the elevator. As they're descending the woman asks him "did you meet my dog?" "Yes" he mutters. She continues "I love that dog so much, almost more than anything in this world. What did you think of him?" "Well I thought he was very nice." She insists, "come on, what did you really think of him?" The young man being forced to reply blusters out "Well to tell you the truth I thought he was a little depressed."

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Cold, Windy Satuday Afternoon Joke Blog. | 17 comments (17 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)

Re: Cold, Windy Satuday Afternoon Joke Blog. (none / 0)

Sounds like a Woody Allen sketch.

So, anyway, how important is it that she's 28 and lives on the 28th floor?

When locusts move on, they leave nothing behind

by afew (afew(a in a circle)eurotrib_dot_com) on Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 at 09:37:35 AM EST

Re: Cold, Windy Satuday Afternoon Joke Blog. (none / 1)

I forgot to mention that it was the 28th day of the 28th month of the Bill Clinton administration. We'll have to check to see what Hillary and Monica were doing that day.

I told Bush; don't play chess with the freakin' Russians.

by LEP (rafifoon@yahoo.com) on Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 at 09:41:42 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Cold, Windy Satuday Afternoon Joke Blog. (4.00 / 2)

Hillary and Monica!!! Wow, you have revelations about what they were doing together? This could be big, very big!

When locusts move on, they leave nothing behind

by afew (afew(a in a circle)eurotrib_dot_com) on Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 at 09:48:17 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Cold, Windy Satuday Afternoon Joke Blog. (4.00 / 2)

Does the dog have a passport?

by ThatBritGuy (thatbritguy (at) googlemail.com) on Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 at 12:48:15 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Another High Rise Joke (4.00 / 3)

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are sitting on a girder 40 floors up on the skyscraper they are building, just about to have their sandwich lunch.
The Englishman opens his sandwich box.
"Ham sandwich - again! I hate ham but every day she makes me bloody ham sandwiches. I've had it, what with that, and this bloody job and the brats. If she does it again I'm jumping off here!"
The Scotsman opens his sandwich box.
"Chicken! I f..ng hate chicken. This job stinks, and I'm up to my ears in debt. I'm with you, if she makes chicken again, I'm jumping too!"
The Irishman opens his box.
Sure enough.
"Cheese! Again. I'm with you fella's!".
Next day, it's another cold depressing lunchtime.
The Englishman opens his box.
"Ham! Again! That f..ing does it..."
and he jumps. 40 floors. Big mess on the pavement.
The Scotsman opens his:
"Chicken"! I meant it!" and jumps as well, to his death.
The Irishman opens his
"Cheese! aaaarghhh...! " Strawberry jam on the pavement.
A couple of weeks later the wives are all at the inquest.
The Scotsman's wife weeping...
"...why didn't he say!? I thought he liked chicken! He could have had anything he liked.!!!"
The Englishman's wife sobbed...
"...I thought he loved ham: every day I made him ham sandwiches because I thought he loved them!!!"
The Irishman's wife, through the tears...
" I just don't understand it at all! He made his own sandwiches!"

by ChrisCook (cojockathotmaildotcom) on Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 at 10:54:02 AM EST

Get swamied (4.00 / 5)

Dear Swami:
I'm concerned. I recently read something you wrote about "Nonjudgment Day" when you predicted that everyone will win beauty contests, and all the lawyers will disappear. Well, I'm an attorney, and frankly, I'm not at all comfortable with my proposed disappearance. I like being here, and I like the law. Hopefully, you and I will be able to settle this misunderstanding amicably out of court.
Sue Dehrpantzoff, Chicago, Illinois
Dear Sue:
Well, I needed a new suit! The last time this happened, someone tried to sue me for an inaccurate prediction under that new law they had passed in California, that they call the Seersucker Law: "If you're a sucker for a seer, and what the seer sees sucks, you can redress your grievance in a seer-sucker suit." That's why I don't make predictions anymore. That, and protecting my nonprophet status.
Anyway, what I meant to say is, on Nonjudgment Day we won't need lawyers because all our trials will be over. Enlightening will strike, and we will find ourselves innocent! Now of course, innocent people still have conflicts ... and here's where you come in. And that is also where the Bible missed an important point. After "they shall beat their swords into ploughshares," the part they left out is "and they shall press their lawyers into mediators." It's in the Akashic Record book, you could look it up. But who says you have to wait for then? You can open up franchised one-hour mediation centers in malls everywhere. You could call it Just Justice ... "justice in just under an hour." There. Now I have given you legal advice, so ... we're even.
© Copyright 2008 by Steve Bhaerman. All rights reserved. Swami Beyondananda -- and his hilarious books and CDs -- can be found online at http://www.wakeuplaughing.com

Our knowledge has surpassed our wisdom. --Charu Saxena.

by metavision on Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 at 11:04:28 AM EST

Re: Cold, Windy Satuday Afternoon Joke Blog. (4.00 / 2)

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"

I told Bush; don't play chess with the freakin' Russians.

by LEP (rafifoon@yahoo.com) on Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 at 01:41:33 PM EST

Re: Cold, Windy Satuday Afternoon Joke Blog. (none / 1)

I knew Solveig would like this one. It's a Chris Cook joke if I ever saw one.

I told Bush; don't play chess with the freakin' Russians.

by LEP (rafifoon@yahoo.com) on Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 at 02:05:04 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Cold, Windy Satuday Afternoon Joke Blog. (none / 1)

You are right - I laughed out loud, actually.
Some say I have a rather wicked sense of humour...
I never tell jokes, but I need them for my sanity...and Chris has a way of keeping me sane...

Thank you for this diary! Could you make it a regular one, please?

by Solveig (link2ageataol.com) on Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 at 03:23:33 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Cold, Windy Satuday Afternoon Joke Blog. (none / 0)

Maybe we could make it for "nasty weather" Saturdays.

I told Bush; don't play chess with the freakin' Russians.

by LEP (rafifoon@yahoo.com) on Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 at 03:31:17 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Cold, Windy Satuday Afternoon Joke Blog. (none / 1)

Good idea...should I just send you Saturday weather reports from Scotland?

by Solveig (link2ageataol.com) on Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 at 03:49:44 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Cold, Windy Satuday Afternoon Joke Blog. (none / 1)

No need, it's always bad here....

by ChrisCook (cojockathotmaildotcom) on Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 at 04:10:05 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Cold, Windy Satuday Afternoon Joke Blog. (none / 1)

Just for Melo and RG -- what did the Zen master say to the guy at the hot dog stand?

The difference between theory and practise in practise ...

by DeAnander (de_at_daclarke_dot_org) on Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 at 11:15:40 PM EST

Re: Cold, Windy Satuday Afternoon Joke Blog. (none / 1)

something about mustard and one bun slapping?

Peace is not the absence of war -- peace is the absence of fear. Ursula Franklin

by melo (melometa4(at)gmail.com) on Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 at 11:42:03 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Cold, Windy Satuday Afternoon Joke Blog. (none / 1)

I'm gonna wait and see if anyone recognises it... if not, punch line tomorrow :-)

The difference between theory and practise in practise ...

by DeAnander (de_at_daclarke_dot_org) on Sun Mar 23rd, 2008 at 02:02:09 AM EST
[ Parent ]

"Make me one withEverything." N/T (4.00 / 3)

I told Bush; don't play chess with the freakin' Russians.

by LEP (rafifoon@yahoo.com) on Sun Mar 23rd, 2008 at 11:54:18 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: "Make me one withEverything." N/T (4.00 / 3)

yup!

The difference between theory and practise in practise ...

by DeAnander (de_at_daclarke_dot_org) on Sun Mar 23rd, 2008 at 12:46:30 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Cold, Windy Satuday Afternoon Joke Blog. | 17 comments (17 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)

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