1.  An Article

Stephen Kotkin: Myth of the New Cold War

Every week, there is some article published somewhere in the world that sends all the people in the Russia-Expert-o-Sphere running into telephone booths and stripping down into their superhero leotards.  The deconstruction, analysis, or even just being willing and able to read through to the end of these articles call for the mind-blowing powers of... SuperRussia-ExpertHero!   Last week it was a Moscow Times op-ed about Russophobia.  Everyone and their mother was not only expected to have read it, but prove it by posting a response to the article on their blog.  This week brings us another "must read" piece.  You have to read it.  I had to read it.  I suppose you could choose not to.  But then you would not possibly know what anyone is talking about, losers.  Plus, the article does have its rewards, like

Edward Lucas, by his telling, was once deported by the KGB. This happened in 1990, when Lucas, a British passport-holder, entered Lithuania on a Lithuanian visa after it declared its independence but before the Soviet Union had been formally dissolved. As far as this reviewer is aware, Lucas has never been imprisoned for his convictions. Still, though not technically a dissident, he argues like one. That is how a very perspicacious journalist like Lucas, the central and eastern Europe correspondent of the Economist, could end up writing a not very persuasive polemic called The New Cold War: How the Kremlin Menaces Both Russia and the West.

There are many reasons to be critical of Russian economic performance and policies, but the super-high growth rate of Kazakhstan is not one of them.

Going after Edward Lucas and his peers for not making any sense at all.  That doesn't get old.  Apparently neither does writing articles about New Cold War, like you just thought of that.  What does such an author want credit for?  And why are they being paid for their BRILLIANT insights while Jerome makes me work for free?  This entire situations sucks.  Where did you first read of this New Cold War silliness?  "Poemless."  No.  I think it was Mark Ames actually.  But I was pretty close behind.  That is, I read Mark Ames' article and was able to prove it by posting a comment about the article on this blog.  

Anyway, people are digging this one so I guess you should go read it.  Even Bob Amsterdam likes it.  Like Mikey.  Eat your bowl of vitamin-packed New Cold War ruminations!  Will give you the strength to fight the silliness of Eddie Lucas and his paranoid ilk!  Vkusno! Then come back and finish reading this.  

2.  A Poll

Take a poll on Edward Lucas!

Edward Lucas used to think and say that German Chancellor Angela Merkel hated Russia, loathed it from birth, and will lead a strong European Union against Russia. I'm not sure exactly in which way, but Lucas could have easily contemplated economic embargoes and public slanders and stuff like that. He is a very fantastic and imaginative writer, no less. lol

But he does hate Russia a lot, no doubt, so maybe when it came to writing about ways a German-led E.U. would stick it to Russia, he would have thought of something clever.

Anyway, something must have happened in the hot summer days of 2007, while I was probably at a beach in the still-affordable Hampton Bays, which led Lucas to change his mind.

Did Angela Merkel telephone Lucas threatening a lawsuit for libel?

Was The Economist scared that such a phone call was forthcoming and decided to pull the plug?

Did the FSB pressure Lucas, or was it the KGB???

Was David Miliband in on it, perhaps trying to resuscitate British-Russian relations?

Or, did Lucas himself decide to end the outlandish, misguided, and ill-conceived allegation himself?

Maybe, just maybe, Lucas realized that he's just making things up after it became more and more apparent that the Russian-German strategic partnership forged between Putin and Schoeder is simply being reinforced during Merkel's reign. This signifies that strong Russian-German relations are not reliant on any one political party in Germany and reflect more of a state-policy.

So I ask the question: Who's holding back Edward Lucas from repeating the "Angela Merkel hates Russia" myth he concocted?

Did someone say Edward Lucas?  Ok, look.  The man's not making any sense.  Fine.  But really I am ready to get on YouTube and scream "Leave him alone!  Waaahhh! Just Leave him alone!"  I mean, our obsession with this poor old guy is almost as scary as his obsession with them scary Russkies.  

Anyway, a strange poll.  

3.  A Farewell Party  {{sniff}}

B:  "Pooty-Poot!  Don't go!  If you go, where shall I go, what shall I do?"
P:  "Frankly, George, I don't give a damn."

MT: Last Dance in Sochi for Outgoing Presidents

SOCHI, Krasnodar Region -- President George W. Bush and his host, President Vladimir Putin, didn't allow what have been strained relations and a host of unresolved issues between their countries to put a damper on their last dinner together.

Instead, they danced.

During a dinner on Bush's arrival at Putin's official summer home in the Black Sea resort of Sochi, the two leaders not only enjoyed the fare but also even took part in the entertainment.

"An unbelievably good dinner," was how Bush described it to reporters Sunday.

So good that Putin and Bush climbed up onstage to dance to the music of the Russian and Cossack folk ensembles that performed for them at the dinner.

Daniel Fried, U.S. assistant secretary of state for European affairs, was also called up and "seemed to know what he was doing," Bush spokeswoman Dana Perino said.

They did a "Russian version of the African move," Perino told reporters, explaining later on the sidelines of the presidents' Sunday meeting that Bush danced in a similar manner on a trip to Africa.

Putin met Laura Bush with a big bouquet of pink roses when the Bush family arrived at the residence. No information that Putin's wife Lyudmila or Medvedev's wife Svetlana had attended was provided by either the Kremlin or the White House.

Friday's dinner lasted for about 2 1/2 hours and the menu included venison fillet with vegetable salad and pickled wild mushrooms with raspberry sauce, blini with red caviar and trout, veal loin with baked potatoes and red currant sauce, kulebyaka with salmon and king crab meat, and berry pie with ice cream.

Wot, no fishing trip?!

Laura, why couldn't you have stayed home like Lyudmila and Svetlana?  Now I'm just stuck watching footage of Putin handing you flowers, because he's a gentleman like that, giving you roses even though you just ruined a hot night of shirtless fishing.  No, thanks to you, all I get is your idot husband dancing the hopak like the hokey-pokey and berry pie with ice cream.

Here's hoping that United Russia, the party Putin is poised to head up, plans some no-idiot-Americans-and-their-idiot-wives-allowed corporate retreat fishing trips.  They should invite Surkov, too.  If you too think this is a good idea, drop them a comment!

Still want.

ODDS

1.  "After scoffing down a generous helping of chips and a few fistfuls of candyfloss, what better way to finish off a day at the seaside than with a donkey ride?"

Daily Mail: People over 8st banned from seaside donkey rides under animal cruelty rules.

•  Seaside donkeys.  In Britain.  You have just totally blown my mind.  

•  Stones?  Is this the conventional measurement of weight in Britain?  What kind of scale does this require?  Does the scale use actual stones?  How many stones does a proper stone weigh?  Aren't there all different sizes of stones?  And what is "candy-floss"?  How can something be both?  Makes no sense.

•  Could the Rollings Stones ride a Seaside donkey so long as there were fewer than 8 of them?

•  For real?  Donkeys?  By the sea?  In England?  That is officially on my to do before I die list.  (Right after, "Lose one more stone," I guess.)

BBC: NZ man 'used hedgehog as weapon'

A man in New Zealand has been charged with using a hedgehog as a weapon, the New Zealand Herald has reported.

Police said William Singalargh, 27, had hurled the hedgehog about 5m (16ft) at a 15-year-old boy.

"It hit the victim in the leg, causing a large, red welt and several puncture marks," said Senior Sgt Bruce Jenkins, in the North Island town of Whakatane.

It was unclear whether the hedgehog was still alive when it was thrown, though it was dead when collected as evidence.

The police spokesman said the suspect was arrested "for assault with a weapon, namely the hedgehog."

Mr Singalargh is due to appear in court on 17 April. If convicted, he faces up to five years in prison.

We interrupt this diary for a viewing of the charming, "Ezhik v tumane, or, Hedgehog in the Fog."

Back to our regularly scheduled ranting.

3.  "More than 25 ships were seized by pirates there in 2007."

BBC: Contact made with yacht pirates

France says it has made contact with Somali pirates who seized a luxury French yacht and its crew of about 30.

Foreign Minister Bernard Kouchner said everything would be done to avoid bloodshed and did not rule out paying a ransom to free the crew.

The Ponant was boarded by pirates in the Gulf of Aden on Friday and is now reported to be anchored off Somalia. There are no passengers aboard.

Somali coastal waters are among the world's most hazardous.

More than 25 ships were seized by pirates there in 2007.

In an earier diary I made mention of the pirates who attacked a ship headed for Russia.  These Somali pirates are my new favorite heroes.  More than 25 ships seized in 2007?  And in 2008: The world will cool down.  OMG.  He ... was right...

All Hail The Flying Spaghetti Monster!

You know, that CFL bulb campaign has been pretty effective.  Everyone from Al Gore followers to WalMart shoppers have those obnoxiously ugly things in their light sockets.  I think we need to raise the bar.  We can do better.  If every WalMart shopper or Al Gore follower donned an eye patch and seized just one ship this year, we could stop global warming in its tracks.  Hell, we could probably create permanent winter.  Ok, maybe if just every other one of us seized a ship...   Or, we'll have pirate teams.  I'll be on Johnny Depp's.

ENDS

1.  Travel  

Baikal Club

This is a cool site.  If you are like me, when you think of Siberia, you think of snow. Then tear-jerking scenes from Dr. Zhivago, Roman Abramovich saving the Chukchi, and Misha patiently waiting for me to rescue him from his prison camp in Chita.  But there is really a lot more to Siberia, it seems.  

Like, they have skater punks!

and biker kids!

and rock climbers!

and performance art!

and street demonstrations!

... well, and snow, of course, obviously...

Holy cow.  Just watch:  Ulan Ude is going to be the hip new travel destination for extreme sports enthusiasts and trustafarians once they've finished decimating Angkor Wat and have gotten bored with Reykjavik.  It will be the new Praha.  Hipsters will say things like, "Don't go to Siberia; it's all American college kids now - you could save yourself some money and just go to Berkeley.  But, if you want an authentic experience: There are no tourists in Chechnya.  And it's cheap.  Oh yeah.  My boyfriend and I are backpacking there this summer when we get back from Somalia."

2.  Health

PurePedantry:  If you blog you will die, news at 11

Methinks this article from the NYTimes is a tad hysterical:

They work long hours, often to exhaustion. Many are paid by the piece -- not garments, but blog posts. This is the digital-era sweatshop. You may know it by a different name: home.

A growing work force of home-office laborers and entrepreneurs, armed with computers and smartphones and wired to the hilt, are toiling under great physical and emotional stress created by the around-the-clock Internet economy that demands a constant stream of news and comment.

Of course, the bloggers can work elsewhere, and they profess a love of the nonstop action and perhaps the chance to create a global media outlet without a major up-front investment. At the same time, some are starting to wonder if something has gone very wrong. In the last few months, two among their ranks have died suddenly.

Two weeks ago in North Lauderdale, Fla., funeral services were held for Russell Shaw, a prolific blogger on technology subjects who died at 60 of a heart attack. In December, another tech blogger, Marc Orchant, died at 50 of a massive coronary. A third, Om Malik, 41, survived a heart attack in December.

Other bloggers complain of weight loss or gain, sleep disorders, exhaustion and other maladies born of the nonstop strain of producing for a news and information cycle that is as always-on as the Internet.

To be sure, there is no official diagnosis of death by blogging, and the premature demise of two people obviously does not qualify as an epidemic. There is also no certainty that the stress of the work contributed to their deaths. But friends and family of the deceased, and fellow information workers, say those deaths have them thinking about the dangers of their work style.

I have a policy that keeps me sane through this thing. Never blog on the weekends, and when it makes me nuts I take a week off. I recommend that others indulge in similar policies.

That's actually my policy as well!  But I don't think I can claim that it keeps me "sane."  No, absent some Russian lessons, I'm looking at institutional commitment in the near future.  

But my blood pressure is perfect.  :)

3.  Linguistics

Economist: The baffling, beautiful richness of Russian.

THE language I am fondest of is Russian. It is a bruised sort of affection, like the residue of many years with an intense but difficult lover. No other language has caused me such pain, or given me such pleasure in the discovery of its quirks and beauty.

Me too...

It starts with the pronunciation. Aside from consonants that don't exist in English and the "soft sign" (represented in this entry by an apostrophe), which softens the consonant before it, the vowels in Russian are big beefy things, requiring facial muscles that never get a workout in English.

For my first few months in Moscow I felt as if I was chewing pebbles. When I moaned about it to a Russian friend, he explained that "English is produced in the back of the mouth, but in Russian"--he puffed out his lips--"we speak from here, from the front. In order to strengthen these muscles," he concluded seriously, "you should perform oral sex more often."

It's not just me, people...  But the thing is, and I'm not making this up, really, it is the honest truth - I need to practice my Russian.

Some words are also beautifully evocative. There is a verb for the English phrase "to get lost in thought", which is made from the verb for "to think", the prefix za meaning behind or beyond, and the reflexive suffix. You could translate it as "to think oneself into the beyond".

Russians are inordinately proud of their tongue's complexity. Friends have told me in all earnestness that they think Shakespeare might be better in Russian. in Moscow, a taxi driver attempted to prove the point by asking me to consider the words written next to the date on a carton of milk.

Inordinately???  In the bad old days, Pravda editors would sit at desks and make sure regardless what an article was about, it said something nice about Stalin.  These days, Economist editors will sit at desks and make sure regardless what an article is about, it said something ridiculous about Russia.  They must be giving Lucas free rein over there.  Eddie, "Leave the Russians alone!  Waaahhh! Just Leave them alone!"

In Russian this is an orotund, literary phrase--a direct translation, in fact, of the French à consommer de préférence avant. "Zhelatel'no upotrebit' do", repeated the driver, rolling his tongue around the words and lifting a hand from the steering wheel to trace their curvaceous cadences. "It is beautiful, cultured. And in your language?" He puckered his mouth sourly. "Best bee-for!"

Read this article to the end.  But don't blame me for it.  Oh, and no, I've not begun reading The Economist.  Pshaw.  Hat tip for this goes to the fabulous (and cute too) Stalker.  

~~~~~

So Sven was complaining in my last diary that there weren't enough photos of Putin in it.  I agree.  Here ya go, my Finnish friend!

"Poemless, I am very disappointed that you've not been practicing your Russian. Tsk tsk."

Ok, mes amis.  Thanks for reading and have a lovely week.  

Ciao!