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Bush Sends Christmas Greetings to Troops by Phone

by dood abides Mon Dec 25th, 2006 at 01:31:23 PM EST


President Bush celebrating Christmas at Camp David during a conference call with troops


Washington, DC (Rotters) - After an exhaustive search of over 200,000 troops serving in Iraq, Afghanistan, and other overseas locations the Pentagon was able to locate a handful of servicemen and women who were willing to talk with the president and receive his Christmas greetings to them. The president spoke in a conference call via phone from Camp David, Maryland, dressed as Santa to mark the occasion. The following are highlights of his inspirational messages to the troops:

Read more... (2 comments, 824 words in story)

Mexican Troops Killed Fighting Hybrid Marijuana Plant

by dood abides Fri Dec 22nd, 2006 at 09:48:17 AM EST


An unidentified Mexican Army soldier removes the remains of a fellow soldier's uniform from a Cannabis Sativa-Audrey hybrid


Lazaro Cárdenas, Mexico (APE) - Three Mexican soldiers were killed early yesterday while attempting to eradicate an apparently new resistant hybrid cultivar of marijuana called "Cannabis Sativa-Audrey". The three soldiers names were not released pending notification of their relatives. They were all among a group of soldiers who were transported aboard helicopter gunships into the remote western state of Michoacan as part of new Mexican president Felipe Calderon's expanded war on drugs.

Read more... (4 comments, 474 words in story)

So Where in Kubler-Ross are You?

by dood abides Thu Dec 21st, 2006 at 09:27:34 AM EST




For anyone expecting a funny or a pithy diary entry... well... here's your chance to bail.  I'm really writing this for myself and anyone else that may be interested.  I feel like I've amassed a little bit of "rhetorical capital" and I think I'll squander it on something that might not possibly be very popular around here...

Read more... (20 comments, 751 words in story)

"It's a Horrible Lie"

by dood abides Thu Dec 14th, 2006 at 08:51:51 AM EST

Just in time for the Holidays... a Christmas Classic digitally remassacred...




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Gone With the Spin

by dood abides Thu Dec 7th, 2006 at 09:15:28 PM EST



Title Screen: There was a land of Profiteers and Oil Fields called the New South... Here in this petty world, Fealty killed its last sow... Here was the last ever to be seen of individual rights and their basest scares, of disasters that would enslave... Look for it only in neo-con texts, for it is no more than a scheme dismembered. A Machination gone with the spin...

Read more... (2 comments, 3047 words in story)

December Playboy Cover featuring Nude Ann Coulter

by dood abides Tue Nov 14th, 2006 at 07:22:53 AM EST


Ann Coulter bares all this December for Playboy and WILT


Los Angeles, CA (APE) - She's been abhorred for years as the most downrated person on the internet, which means... aw heck, you know what it means. People love retching over Ann Coulter.
What it hasn't meant, all these years, though, as all those thousands of disappointed freepers know, is seeing even one picture of this 18th-century tossup queen without anything strategically covering her.

No longer.

At 44, Coulter, who has been scintillating fans with her own brand of historic revisionism, has posed au natural for Playboy. The December issue, with her on the cover, attacks newsstands Friday. The pages of pictures on the inside leave readers scrambling for imagination.

Read more... (7 comments, 478 words in story)

Democrats Win House and Senate, Declare VB Day

by dood abides Wed Nov 8th, 2006 at 07:47:54 AM EST


A Virginia National Guardsman watches as a statue of George W. Bush is torn down on the lawn in front of the Capitol Building
CLICK TO ENLARGE


Washington, DC (APE) - Spontaneous celebrations erupted across the nation this morning as Americans heralded the triumph of democracy in the bloodless overthrow of the oppressive six-year illegal regime of the Bush administration. Staving off a swelling mudslide from Republican opponents, Democrats today declared victory in capturing both seats of government as a cleansing blue tsunami of voter discontent swept through Washington. APE statistician and elections expert, Theodore D. Abides, early this morning declared both Tester and Webb victorious in their close senate races. Barring last-minute attempts at tampering and legal machinations in recounts, the Democrats declared victory in Montana and Virginia, giving them the six seats necessary to assume control of the Senate. Earlier in the evening, Democrats had easily assumed control of the House of Representatives with a net gain of 28 seats. In the early hours of the morning at a Democratic celebration the new Speaker of the House Democrat Nancy Pelosi, delightedly declared "VB Day", or "Victory over Bush Day".

Read more... (5 comments, 501 words in story)

Tales from The Oiligarchy : The Week in Review

by dood abides Fri Oct 13th, 2006 at 10:44:14 AM EST

10/13/06 Bush Crucified in New Book, "Tempting Faith"






"Forgive me Lord, for I know not what I do" Bush stated




Washington, DC (APE) - "Just get me a F---ing Faith-Based thing. Got it?!?" said chief presidential adviser Karl Rove to Bush aide Don Willet in 2001, according to the new book, Tempting Faith, by David Kuo. The book is scheduled to be released in print on Monday, but quotations from advanced copies have the White House screaming about Democratic political machinations, three weeks before the elections.

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GUANTANAMO : THE MUSICAL

by dood abides Tue Oct 10th, 2006 at 07:14:24 AM EST



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"The Camp X-Ray Tango"




[DICK]

Cock.

[SCOOTER]

Fitz.

[DENNY]

Swish.

[GEORGIE]

Uh uh.

[DONNY]

Gitmo.

[TOMMY]

Dipshits!

[ANCHORMAN]

And now the six merry treasonists of the Guantanamo Bay Facility in their rendition of "The Camp X-Ray Tango"...

Read more... (2 comments, 1602 words in story)

White House Pronounces Musharraf, Karzai, Bush Dinner Meeting a Success

by dood abides Thu Sep 28th, 2006 at 09:05:51 AM EST



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Washington, DC (APE) - Billed as an event that might have descended into international slapstick, the White House today announced that President Bush's dinner meeting last night with Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai and Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf went off without a hitch. White House spokesperson Tony Snow stated that the president had become further impressed with his two allies, describing them as a couple of very "wise guys".

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"The Path to 11/07/06" (The last "Path" diary you'll ever want to read)

by dood abides Thu Sep 7th, 2006 at 07:40:05 AM EST


CLICK HERE TO ENLARGE! C'mon... you know you want to... trust me... ; )


(Complete text after the fold for those not clicking through)

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Song: The Bush Jeer & "We're All Gonna Fry Rag"

by dood abides Sun Sep 3rd, 2006 at 08:48:50 PM EST


CLICK TO ENLARGE!


Gimme a B!
B!
Gimme a U!
U!
Gimme an S!
S!
Gimme an H!
H!
What's that smell?!
BUSH!
What's that smell?!
BUSH!
What's that smell?
BUSH!

Read more... (2 comments, 417 words in story)

Bush Kneed in Groin on First Anniversary of Katrina Disaster

by dood abides Tue Aug 29th, 2006 at 10:05:44 PM EST


Bush reacts to the first of three well placed knee strikes to the groin from a well wisher


New Orleans, LA (Rotters) - President Bush was briefly assaulted today by a hurricane Katrina survivor at a photo opportunity outside of an eating establishment in New Orleans. The president was described as dazed and confused but otherwise not permanently injured. His assailant, a woman, was briefly taken into custody by Secret Service personnel and later released. The White House scrambled to explain how the woman had gotten past their screening procedures, and were deliberating over possibly pressing charges.

The woman, a 30-year-old African-American female, who wished to remain anonymous, was later interviewed by reporters.

Read more... (2 comments, 407 words in story)

The Invisible President

by dood abides Fri Aug 25th, 2006 at 09:27:50 AM EST




I've had a lot of folks ask me things like, "How can you stand to even look at his face?"... or, "Don't you get bored with just putting his head on somebody else?" or, "Don't all these ad hominem attacks just bring us down?"... well, I guess I can sort of say yes to all of these questions.

I was ready to mount my usual early-morning pixel assault on the CHIMPOTUS today, when it finally just got to me... I just didn't have the stomach to look at the smirking frat boy on vacation once again. I was a little bored and looking for a challenge, too... then it dawned on me that maybe I should just give people what they want... rework Dub into something a little more palatable for those who have such a visceral response.

Read more... (3 comments, 500 words in story)

Bush Administration Foreign and Domestic Policy : An Illustrated Primer

by dood abides Tue Aug 15th, 2006 at 07:46:36 AM EST




Step One: Dig deeply. Use all available resources to root out everything that you deem counterproductive and offensive. Try to do so in a discreet manner, but do not be afraid to offend some people publicly if you must.

Read more... (1 comment, 121 words in story)

George Bush speaks on Albert Camus' "The Stranger"

by dood abides Mon Aug 14th, 2006 at 07:25:01 AM EST


President Bush speaking with Charade reporter Mustafa Bin-Karaze from the "Western White House"


Charade Magazine ( by Mustafa Bin-Karaze) -  President Bush, just finishing up a small vacation in Crawford Texas, did what many Americans do on vacation, he took the time to read a book. He dedicated a brief portion of his vacation ito reading a work by one of France's most celebrated authors, Albert Camus, "The Stranger". The President stated that the book made a real impression upon him, and Charade Magazine in an exclusivity interview was able to allow the president a venue to share some of his thoughts on this literary masterpiece:

Read more... (2 comments, 610 words in story)

Chertoff and Gonzalez Demonstrate Liquid Bomb

by dood abides Fri Aug 11th, 2006 at 08:05:37 AM EST


Chertoff and Gonzales demonstrate liquid bomb to reporters


Washington, DC (Rotters) - The Department of Homeland security today released further information in regards to the terrorist liquid bomb plot in London. The press conference was capped off by a demonstration of the effectiveness of one of the terrorists' proposed devices. Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales constructed and detonated a small yield device to the stunned silence of the press in attendance. No one was harmed in the demonstration, but a number of angry photographers were seen wiping residue from lenses.

"Just think what could be achieved on a larger scale", stated Chertoff. "No one would have been spared if we have chosen instead to use perhaps a liter bottle of fluid. The same principles can be applied towards a deadly rocket. The administration has been communicating closely with the Israelis and we really believe that as the conflict in Lebanon winds down and the materials and supplies for war dry up they may be faced with just such improvised rockets from Hezbollah."

Read more... (6 comments, 550 words in story)

Rove Spearheads Lieberman Independent Run

by dood abides Thu Aug 10th, 2006 at 09:52:46 AM EST


"This is looking really good", says Karl Rove in regards to Joe Lieberman independent run


Washington, DC (APE) - White House aide Karl Rove announced today that he would be taking personal responsibility for the fledgling independent run of Joe Lieberman for Connecticut state senate. He has labeled the race and all its implications as potential "Republican Dynamite".

Lieberman, refusing to accept the will of the Connecticut Democratic party in his loss to Ned Lamont yesterday, announced his candidacy for the same position as an independent in the fall election. The White House later sent a message to Lieberman campaign headquarters stating that 'the boss is concerned with the results and will pledge whatever it takes'.

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Bush Arrested Outside of Camp Casey

by dood abides Mon Aug 7th, 2006 at 07:50:14 AM EST



President Bush at his booking in Crawford




Crawford, TX (APE) - Early this morning a dispute erupted between local police and the President's secret service detail as Mr. Bush was apparently taken into custody outside Camp Casey, the protest camp set up by noted peace activist and Gold Star Mom, Cindy Sheehan. Crawford police are reportedly considering charging the president with indecent exposure, in an incident which the White House is referring to as merely "skinny-cycling".

Read more... (1 comment, 449 words in story)

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Apocalypse

by dood abides Sat Aug 5th, 2006 at 10:46:19 AM EST


CLICK TO ENLARGE...

This is dedicated to one of my favorite authors, Douglas Adams, may he rest in peace... He was a true comedic genius, IMHO... This one was scary the way that it pretty well wrote itself... sorry about the margins, and don't forget your towel...

Read more... (7 comments, 1420 words in story)
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News and Views

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by Bjinse - Dec 11, 37 comments

Your take on this week's news

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The thread is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled

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People say that life is the thing, but I prefer threading

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