In Internet culture, a lurker is a person who reads discussions on a message board, newsgroup, chatroom, file sharing or other interactive system, but rarely participates.

Why is it often the case that a simple Wiki definition could have prevented marital strife?

I am a self-confessed lurker on the Internet.  The other day I even set-up, ok, my husband helped me set-up, bookmarks of some of the blogs I read regularly to open all in one window.  I read EuroTrib regularly and am impressed by the quality of the analysis of topics that really interest me and key insights that others share so freely.    

I am a bit intimidated to post comments or diaries.  It's a strange mixture of fear of others, not really sure what I can write or add, and a bit lacking the technical expertise. I have read the New Users Guide and found to be very helpful.  I have posted a comment once to the Sunday open thread and really appreciated that a member took the time to welcome me to the group.  

My husband is very active in the blogging world and spends a lot of time reading and participating.  A few times he's referred to my activities as a "lurker" and I didn't like him calling me that.  For me there is something negative associated with someone who just "lurks" on blogs.  

For many years I was active in the Burning Man where for one week a year an active community is built in the Blackrock desert of Arizona.  There's the saying, "no spectators", meaning people whose only interest is watching others or taking lots of pictures are encouraged to get involved in some way.  

Was I a "spectator" in an online community?

Wanting to shed the "lurker" title I decided I wanted to post a quick comment with a video link that I had seen the other day.   I found the video very insightful and relevant to a diary.  I asked my husband for help.....

"That's not really appropriate as a comment, you should write your own diary."

"You really need to source the link giving kudos to the other blog where you first saw the video."

"You are kind of preaching to the choir since most of the people here know this already."

Not the form of encouragement and technical assistance that I needed to post a quick comment.  My husband is probably right, but him saying that he is right doesn't help and then him calling me a lurker again just set me off.  Here I was trying not to be a lurker and I'm called a lurker.    

To his defense he has said many times that there is no negative connotation to the Internet culture definition of Lurker and even Wiki backs him up.  I think it's just a culture clash of being part of a community for many years that actively engaged people and discourages "spectators".

He even went so far to say that on many blogs he's a lurker.  Since I know he's had hundreds of posts on online communities, and had posted a few times that morning already, that label just didn't fit.  It's like saying someone who just finished building a huge art installation at Burning Man is now a spectator since they are looking at other people's art.  Again, it just doesn't fit.    

I hope someday soon the title lurker won't bother me.  I get that blogs wouldn't be so successful and meaningful if there weren't people reading them.  I think recommending diaries and giving ratings are a nice way to start.  

Furthermore, I hope someday I can get over my fears and be an active and engaged participant in this online community where I am spending more and more time.