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Political Economy (with Cows)

by Drew J Jones Wed Aug 16th, 2006 at 07:19:29 PM EST

Received this from Jen by email.  Just a bit of fun.

DEMOCRATIC

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

More below.


SOCIALIST

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one better accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

Display:
this is laugh out loud funny!  thanks.
by wchurchill on Wed Aug 16th, 2006 at 07:28:15 PM EST
You are Green. Your two cows own you.
by Gary J on Wed Aug 16th, 2006 at 08:27:36 PM EST
Historical example.

You are a stone-age hunter. You would like to hunt your two aurochs cows, but you have to wait until the shamen invents painting on cave walls.

by Gary J on Wed Aug 16th, 2006 at 08:33:03 PM EST
ET
You have a thousand cows. They live all over Europe. Some of them talk to each other. Mostly they speak English. They worry about running out of grass, and are scared of pancakes.

dKos
You have a hundred thousand cows, all painted the same shade of orange. Every so often some of the cows start fighting. You buy a nice grand piano.

Free Republic
All your cows talk bull.

Guardian Comment
A noted cow gives a speech. A lot of less noted cows start mooing. No one can hear themselves think.

MySpace
All your cows are happy and so very very friendly. Why do they look like sheep?

by ThatBritGuy (thatbritguy (at) googlemail.com) on Wed Aug 16th, 2006 at 09:27:11 PM EST
As apprently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the  following are questions allegedly asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

  1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

  2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"

  3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"

  4. Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
A: "No."
Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
A: "No."
Q: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

  1. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"

  2. "Did he kill you?"

  3. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

  4. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

  5. "How many times have you committed suicide?"

  6. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"

11. Q: "She had three children, right?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "How many were boys?"
A: "None."
Q: "Were there any girls?"

12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"

A: "I went to Europe, Sir."
Q: "And you took your new wife?"

14. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
A: "By death."
Q: "And by who's death was it terminated?"

15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Q: "Was this a male, or a female?" >>

16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."

17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."

18. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
A: "Oral."

19. Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.."
Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."

20. Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel."

21. Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
A: "I have been since early childhood."


keep to the Fen Causeway

by Helen (lareinagal at yahoo dot co dot uk) on Thu Aug 17th, 2006 at 09:52:02 AM EST
  1. You Are Different and That's Bad

  2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables

  3. Dad's New Wife Robert

  4. Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share

  5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book

  6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking

  7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her

  8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

  9. All Cats Go To Hell

  10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched

  11. Some Kittens Can Fly

  12. That's It, I'm Putting You Up For Adoption

  13. Grandpa Gets a Casket

  14. The Magic World Inside The Abandoned Refrigerator

  15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia

  16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy

  17. Strangers Have The Best Candy

  18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way

  19. You Were An Accident

  20. Things Rich Kids Have, But you Never Will

  21. Pop! Goes the Hamster... And Other Great Microwave Games

  22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan

  23. Your Nightmares Are Real

  24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
  25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
  26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
 27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things

28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

keep to the Fen Causeway

by Helen (lareinagal at yahoo dot co dot uk) on Thu Aug 17th, 2006 at 09:55:55 AM EST
Number 26 made me laugh till tears rolled out of my eyes...

thanks!

You can't be me, I'm taken

by Sven Triloqvist on Thu Aug 17th, 2006 at 10:33:34 AM EST
[ Parent ]
For some reason, this one made me laugh insanely.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

And I don't even understand what part of the Polish national character it refers to. :D

Peak oil is not an energy crisis. It is a liquid fuel crisis.

by Starvid on Thu Aug 17th, 2006 at 04:55:51 PM EST


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