Sun Dec 30th, 2007 at 07:57:35 AM EST
After the holiday arguments, an internet failure, taking time out to reconsider and lick my wounds, I have apologies to make and fences to mend. Ugh, yikes, ... I have contributed to create divisions in ET with my bad form. There is form and there is content, and I´m afraid I only added bad form to side-content. I do things in a big way; the good and the bad. I feel really bad for hurting feelings and I am sorry.
I realized my bad a lot quicker because I was told a woman I know has just buried the father of her child: Being needed and wanting to help, I naturally softened up and got a bigger perspective. I am lucky I found community work to keep me busy instead of answering all comments, or my apologies would need a whole series.
-Hurting back: I have NO excuse for that childish, hurt-pride behavior!!! I know better and having survived personal, social and system abuse, plus corporate mobbing, I should practice more "patience" and com-passion. I was a rotten example that nobody should copy.
-Insulting, expressed, or implied: Ingrained, old, rancid patterns, that I need to keep working on and on and on, as the contagious problem they are.
-Upper case: I have broken a symbolic rule, knowing full well I was not bursting anyone´s eardrums, but hurting their feelings. That´s embarrassing myself!!!, besides my point gets totally lost in the process and discourages others.
-Injustice triggers: Get me every time, because if somebody like me is hurt today, tomorrow it might be me. I have better ways and places to employ my passion, which is one of my best assets, but I don´t want to see injustice on ET.
-Impatience, exasperation, disappointment, mirroring, sarcasm: Very sorry that they are biochemically connected to the above patterns and I should catch myself and count to ten.
-Insurgence against authority: Guilty by default mode! and more when authority is unjust. Fighting back is not always efficient and I need to practice better ways of doing it.
-JakeS.: I´m sorry I got impatient and personal.
-Jerome: Very sorry that I expected you to catch patterns that may be mine and was snarky without warning.
-Migeru: I´m sorry I said hurtful things when I read you as willfully humiliating.
-afew: I´m sorry I wrote vengeful words in horrid!!!!! form as a response.
-Colman: Sorry I responded badly and misread your snark.
-stormypresent: I did not disregard you at all, but I feel it was differential treatment.
-ChrisC: I´m sorry I helped derail your diary and couldn´t add positive.
-DoDo: Sorry that I bit on old clichés and hurt back.
-Fran: I´m truly sorry to disappoint you (and myself), but I will not stand by while your rare input is misused. Full stop. I just have to use better form.
-ET community: I have failed to add positive value and blurred my fair points, plus I have wasted the time. I will keep trying to do better, if it takes the rest of my long life. I hope I have covered everyone involved and you accept my personal apology.
Apologies over. Don´t use them to blackmail me when I´m famous.
Now some issues that I don´t want to write in a separate diary: Those that disagreed with emil´s subject, please read this part withholding judgment, or skip it.
Was that discussion an accident? I don´t think so. I got the connection emil made to the economic theme, but his focus became a magnet for disagreers for a reason, otherwise they would have passed it up. One thing is to dismiss right-wing/elite bullshit and another to attack knowledge we don't have.
The ET community may have lost an academic expertise that either, it is lacking, or it is not voiced: Possibly to avoid ridicule, so maybe we don´t appear very accepting and that's our loss. ET has failed to respect (itself) by humiliating a member´s knowledge and going off on distant, tangential excursions.
Was it just me? I´m not that special, nor important and Dr. Deepak Chopra may bring out some opinions, but not such rabid interest and anger, alike mine. So, is there an underlying belief that science is above other fields of study? And if so, I hope somebody dedicates a separate diary to it, to let my apologies stand alone. Somebody may have already and I haven´t read it.