Via Steve Clemons (subbing for Josh Marshall at Talking Points Memo), this purports to be "a leaked copy of U.S. comments on the draft document for the Millennium Summit in September.  I [Clemons] have been informed that these are John Bolton's personal draft modification suggestions that appear on the document."  Here is the [40-page http://talkingpointsmemo.com/docs/us.comments.pdf PDF file] showing the tracked changes.

At this time, I'll leave it for others to review and compile their personal favorite proposed changes.