Why did I wait till I was 40 (44 actually) ?
I ask myself that, a lot. Nobody tells you what a difference the hormones make, hell nobody can tell you, you have to find out for yourself. Also, you have to remember that you grow up with that feeling, it's strangely normal, and change is risky. Society isn't very comfortable with sissy boys, when I was teenager being gay was just about the worst thing imaginable. Being transgendered was unthinkable, worse than gay.

I never even admitted it to myself, fully and consciously, till I was 22 and I just thought I could get by. Course I never did. So you end up, as I did, at the age of 38 and I just got sick and tired of fighting it. Of pretending that I wasn't that way. It took me another 6 years before my thinking got to the point of wlaking through that psychiatrist's door. Not one step of the path was easy.

Oh god, I wish, I wish I wish I'd done it sooner, but I didn't. I wasted half my life, the best half of my life, being somebody who, in retrospect, was in a lot of pain, somebody who wasn't even having a life. but hindsight is a wonderful thing and I make the best of it. It's all I can do, after all, I'm happy at last. That's something.

keep to the Fen Causeway