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This is what I am trying to do, finish the damn thing (and then be a high school teacher ;) )

I actually have published quite a bit - have quite q few citations and such - and would easily (I think) get a postdoc or something like that, but I cant take this for much longer.

The ability to manage my time is good. The traveling is very good (conferences). I cannot complain about the workload ;)

But I simply cant stand the closeness, the loneliness (I and do have loads of contacts), the confidentiality, the discussions about intelectual ownership, the lack of technical competence, the egos and the shear lack of moral behaviour.

Having worked in IT in the past (including very big banks), I can easily say that even commercial IT is much more open in terms of idea exchange and good, old sharing of ideas, problems and solutions.

I spend part of my time doing open source, just to be able to work in something that involves a community that, with all its problems, still deserves to be labeled as a community.

by t-------------- on Sun Nov 22nd, 2009 at 06:51:49 AM EST
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Might consider burn-out.  This goes a bit over the top but it might put at least some of what you're experiencing in perspective.

She believed in nothing; only her skepticism kept her from being an atheist. -- Jean-Paul Sartre
by ATinNM on Sun Nov 22nd, 2009 at 02:54:25 PM EST
[ Parent ]
Yes, been there. Still there, but every day much better.

Apart from family and friends, from an intellectual perspective found salvation in art and programming. The PhD is something I do after coding (sometimes I even code for the PhD ;) ) and learning music and drawing. Also doing a nice course in epistemology in order to be able to synthesize these ideas.

But have no doubt, this was a personal reaction to what I describe above.

by t-------------- on Sun Nov 22nd, 2009 at 03:39:10 PM EST
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