Across this great continent of ours a slight sense of desperation hangs over the European elections: the real world isn't paying attention.

In the Czech city of Plzen campaigners hand out spices that go with feathered game on behalf of a candidate whose name translates as... Mr Game. Those who stop to listen get a cook book with recipes from the 27 EU countries and a picture of the MEP in a chef's hat.

In France, at one rally in a very plush auditorium, the audience are all but outnumbered by the candidates, who answer questions with the eager enthusiasm of an estate agent flogging a haunted house that's perched on the edge of a cliff.