Rapture Analysis | 55 comments (55 topical, editorial, 0 hidden)

Rapture prank: Leave clothes and shoes around town

Desdemona readers outside of the failing U.S. industrial deathkulture may not be aware of the latest doomsday prediction from one of the degenerate branches of American Christianity. It seems that the Holy Bible predicts precisely the date and time of Judgment Day: 21 May 2011, at 6:00 PM local time. Desdemona likes that Yahweh has chosen to stage the event by time zone; presumably there are queueing issues in Heaven's intake process.
Direct action is always a fun, although often futile, effort to highlight bizarre issues in the Anthropocene, and this action tickles Desdemona's inner Cosmic Trickster:

Many pranksters plan to leave sets of shoes and clothes here and there on Saturday afternoon, so that fundamentalist Christians might see these abandoned garments and think the real Christians got sucked up to meet the Lord already. This is a very mean prank. Plus, would American Jesus actually allow naked people into His Kingdom? American Jesus is pretty uptight!

_{Schengen is toast!}

by epochepoque on Fri May 20th, 2011 at 05:29:22 PM EST

Re: Rapture Analysis (none / 1)

The first data confirming our analysis has already been reported.

Helium Filled Inflatable Doll Rapture Party!

In one of the appendicitai of the unreleased report, we made mention of the possibility that flying inflatable sex toys, not necessarily helium filled, would be used to discredit the data. Schon passiert.

According to the logs we've gotten from various ISPs, even some ET'ers have been guilty. We of course are taking steps to...

Despite the overarching cynicism of the various so-called commenters here in this very important deal-going-down diary, and despite the well-known science that data-doesn't-matter-anymore, we stand by the data.

Subject to the mitigations and risk analysis we preformed, and despite the fact that our sensors could not distinguish between helium-filled sex dolls and true New Zealanders, and according to all data with which we have in hand had geanalyzed, and while both short term and long-term whatevers remains subject to something, the existing data demands a serious review of previous preconceptions, if not outright analysis.

We have therefore urgently requested that within the remaining potential time for analysis, that secondary funding be initiated such that we could then have a better understanding of the factors in play.

While we expect this request to be shived, we remain confident that funding prevarications will remain predominant, such that the Commision team with 2 S's will be unable to requite the final solution.

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." - Anaïs Nin

by Crazy Horse on Fri May 20th, 2011 at 07:35:23 PM EST
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Re: Rapture Analysis (4.00 / 2)

Help! Paging Lars von Trier.

Entschuldigung

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." - Anaïs Nin

by Crazy Horse on Sat May 21st, 2011 at 05:37:46 AM EST
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Re: Rapture Analysis (none / 1)

Anybody taken the lift yet?

_{Schengen is toast!}

by epochepoque on Sat May 21st, 2011 at 02:29:36 PM EST
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Re: Rapture Analysis (none / 1)

At the wife's request I checked the New Zeeland Herald. It is Sunday morning and there is no news about a rapture. I didn't realize they were so godless down there.

"It is not necessary to have hope in order to persevere."

by ARGeezer (ARGeezer a in a circle eurotrib daught com) on Sat May 21st, 2011 at 03:36:28 PM EST
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Re: Rapture Analysis (none / 1)

It's now past 6 pm in all of Europe, too... though I guess 99.9% of Christians here are heretics.

_{*Lunatic*, n.

One whose delusions are out of fashion.}

by DoDo on Sat May 21st, 2011 at 04:22:47 PM EST
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Re: Rapture Analysis (none / 1)

6pm East Coast time. Whoooosh?

_{Schengen is toast!}

by epochepoque on Sat May 21st, 2011 at 06:01:39 PM EST
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Re: Rapture Analysis (none / 1)

Crazy Horse: