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Romneymania Sweeps America | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

"The raw energy and enthusiasm Mitt Romney stirs inside people is like nothing I've ever seen," Youngstown, OH auto mechanic Chris Ritenour said Wednesday. "Everything he says resonates with Americans. His moving story of growing up privileged, his inspiring rise from moderate wealth to overwhelming riches, his thrilling work in the highest echelons of corporate finance--he really speaks to the heart and mind of the common man."

"I don't think there's been a presidential candidate this exciting and magnetic in generations, if ever." Ritenour continued. "I am a Romneymaniac."

Enlarge ImageYoung or old, rich or poor, Americans have been united by Romneymania.

As Romneymania has grown, the Republican candidate has crossed over from political figure to cultural phenomenon. Countless reverent portraits of Romney have appeared in storefront windows and on building facades throughout the country, often accompanied by one of the candidate's signature inspirational phrases, like "Let Detroit go bankrupt" or "Corporations are people, my friend."

Internet sources confirmed "Mitt" has become the top search term of 2012, while the blogosphere and social media sites have been dominated by discussions of the star candidate's endearing personality quirks, gossip about the relationship statuses of his five sons, and continual chatter over which designers his wife, Ann, wears.

In addition, commemorative plates and various other trinkets featuring Romney's likeness have reportedly been sold out for weeks.

"Mitt's firm belief in unlimited corporate campaign donations is what first got me really excited," said 48-year-old pipe fitter David Flores, adding that another reason he joined "Romney Nation" was because he found it "pretty cool" that Romney pays a lower income tax rate than he does. "Money is speech--that's what the First Amendment is all about. Finally, there's a candidate who speaks directly to me."

As primary season continues, Americans from all walks of life tune in loyally to Romney's stump speeches, with those in attendance so overwhelmed by the candidate's rousing oratory skills that many pass out from the excitement.

While surveys show Romneymania has swept across almost every demographic, Romney's appeal among the nation's youth, in particular, is nearly unanimous. Many young Americans acknowledged they had felt disillusioned by politics until hearing Romney's explanation of how his coordination of corporate funding for the 2002 Salt Lake City Winter Olympics renders him uniquely qualified to be president, an assertion they said immediately revived their faith in American democracy.

"Simply put, when Mitt Romney speaks, he inspires people to be better," said political scientist Deborah Klein of Brown University, adding that given his effusive charisma, people are likely to follow the Republican candidate anywhere. "Anytime he meets factory workers on the campaign trail or stands at the podium in a debate, his reputation as a highly relatable man of the people is indisputable."

"It's easy to see why Americans can't get enough Mitt," Klein added.



'The history of public debt is full of irony. It rarely follows our ideas of order and justice.' Thomas Piketty
by melo (melometa4(at)gmail.com) on Fri Jan 27th, 2012 at 06:06:44 PM EST
[ Parent ]
Jeebus. Romney must be a classic double high.

tens of millions of people stand to see their lives ruined because the bureaucrats at the ECB don't understand introductory economics -- Dean Baker
by Carrie (migeru at eurotrib dot com) on Fri Jan 27th, 2012 at 06:08:28 PM EST
[ Parent ]
The Republican candidate selection contest underwhelmed me because it was like a freak show, and I saw my prediction from before Obama's election of someone even worse than Dubya succeeding Obama ever more likely to come true. Now that it's basically down to two, while with good economic news Obama actually leads in the last polls, I start to speculate myself. Is Romney more bad news because he would get swing voters? Or would a candidate Gingrich only herald the nastiest election campaign ever?

*Lunatic*, n.
One whose delusions are out of fashion.
by DoDo on Fri Jan 27th, 2012 at 07:33:48 PM EST
[ Parent ]
Wall St is perfectly happy with Obama. Mitty is only running as their back-up candidate. I expect Obama's temporary lapse into anti-corporate rhetoric will be over as soon as he's re-elected.

The Grinch is playing the populism dog whistle, but I think he has no chance now. Mitty killed him in the last debate, and if he can't win against a semi-sentient haircut like MItty, he has no hope against Obama.

by ThatBritGuy (thatbritguy (at) googlemail.com) on Sat Jan 28th, 2012 at 06:11:05 AM EST
[ Parent ]
[ET Moderation Technology™]

BTW, melo, could you please keep your quotes shorter? (Reasons.)

*Lunatic*, n.
One whose delusions are out of fashion.

by DoDo on Fri Jan 27th, 2012 at 07:36:02 PM EST
[ Parent ]
silly mistake, sorry DoDo

'The history of public debt is full of irony. It rarely follows our ideas of order and justice.' Thomas Piketty
by melo (melometa4(at)gmail.com) on Fri Jan 27th, 2012 at 08:02:15 PM EST
[ Parent ]

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