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Unhappy parents can raise happy children, if they both take care to protect them from the fallout.

Yes, that's possible (and I suspect it was even the norm in times when arranged marriages were the norm), but parents often assume that children don't notice when they do.

Like the catholics say, you shouldn't lie to children; unless you want them to grow up as hypocrites.

Another possibility is for the child to 'rebel' at an earlier age and protect itself by creating an emotional distance from the parents. Whether that's good or bad on the long term, I don't know.

*Lunatic*, n.
One whose delusions are out of fashion.

by DoDo on Mon Nov 5th, 2012 at 06:01:40 AM EST
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Another possibility is for the child to 'rebel' at an earlier age and protect itself by creating an emotional distance from the parents.  

I agree.
But observing the world ( and probably looking at the statistics that I have no will to do now) most of the rebels are children from those divorced families...
by vbo on Mon Nov 5th, 2012 at 10:02:52 AM EST
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All children who manage to grow up 'rebel' at one time. Those who 'rebel' at an earlier age are most likely associated with one or another form of losing family relations. I doubt suitable statistics even exist for this, but your impression that the most correlated factor is divorce of marriages doesn't match mine. Even in divorces, you seem to be assuming that the problem for the child is the divorce itself, rather than the time before the divorce or the lack of support from society for a divorced parent who has to struggle to make ends meet.

*Lunatic*, n.
One whose delusions are out of fashion.
by DoDo on Mon Nov 5th, 2012 at 01:09:19 PM EST
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I do not see "rebellion" ( and we are talking serious stuff here like when they ruin their lives going in to the crime, drugs. alcohol etc.) as a matter of economics. It doesn't matter that parent is poor...but it does matter if parent is changing multiple partners after divorce which is usually case...or even if the parent remarry and they have to deal with stepparent specially in adolescence,  or if the parent is depressed which is usually case, or if they lose one parent from their lives which is usually case after some time...Those are complications that will leave deep scars and lower or ruin their self-esteem. Not that self esteem can't be ruined in a bad marriage but or that one parent ( or both) even being divorced can't build child's self esteem but I am talking about majority of the cases.
by vbo on Mon Nov 5th, 2012 at 07:30:53 PM EST
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My experience has been that the kids I had to worry about my daughter "running" with (and she DIDN'T duplicate their behavior, thank goodness) were the rich ones with married parents; those are the kids who gave the parties where liquor and drugs were prevalent and risky behavior was worshiped.

My daughter also has a WONDERFUL stepmother, and my second husband and myself have a lovely relationship with my ex and with her, visiting in each other's homes.

It took years for my second husband, because of resistance by his ex (he left after years of castigation and her telling him she never loved him) but I worked hard at it and finally achieved relationships for him and myself with his children AND WITH HIS EX that are kind and loving and supportive. I am NOT a fan of people who can't admit their mistakes and move past them to a place of love, but I'll work like an immigrant to get them there.

'tis strange I should be old and neither wise nor valiant. From "The Maid's Tragedy" by Beaumont & Fletcher

by Wife of Bath (kareninaustin at g mail dot com) on Tue Nov 20th, 2012 at 01:26:25 AM EST
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http://www.divorcerate.org/divorce-rates-in-canada.html

One year after separation or divorce, 50% of children of divorced or separated families never see their fathers again.  

This makes me cry...

by vbo on Tue Nov 6th, 2012 at 04:10:17 AM EST
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Those divorcerate sites you are referring to are not serious sources. Stop crying.
by afew (afew(a in a circle)eurotrib_dot_com) on Tue Nov 6th, 2012 at 04:56:17 AM EST
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WHY you consider them not serious?
by vbo on Tue Nov 6th, 2012 at 07:53:50 AM EST
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Because they are run by (or at least get their supposed data from) the Assemblies of God, a Pentecostalist ie extreme religious movement.

See the reply I gave to your question below.

by afew (afew(a in a circle)eurotrib_dot_com) on Tue Nov 6th, 2012 at 08:07:34 AM EST
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Think about the words "one year" and "never" in that sentence.

Yes, the period immediately after a divorce can be tough, economically in particular. But I would be very surprised if 50% of divorced Canadian men never see their children again.

It is rightly acknowledged that people of faith have no monopoly of virtue - Queen Elizabeth II

by eurogreen on Tue Nov 6th, 2012 at 05:13:11 AM EST
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