I'm demanding the right to not have to worry about whether some asshole claims that what I say offends him

That depends on what you say. I categorise offending people because of their religious feeling roughly with offending people because of the colour of their skin.

People who choose to become political figures - and those scare quotes are bullshit, by the way - lose the right to not be made targets of mockery and derision by detractors

No, they don't. Not if there is no nexus to their political work.

The Pope has (deservedly) been under fire. I am not aware of any convictions or even prosecutions of speech related to the child abuse cases or any other point where he deserved criticism. If you know of any cases, please share them. If you don't have any cases, what are you talking about?