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The Wolf Is Waiting - The Morning News

Throughout my life I had tried the traditional therapies: behavioral cognitive counseling, mainstream psychiatrics, and psychotherapy. I tried hypnosis, progressive relaxation, Jungian psychology and dream interpretation, and the practice of affirmations. I tried supplements of flaxseed oil, fish oil, borage oil, evening primrose oil, vitamins B6, B12, C. I let homeopathic doses of calcium, magnesium, and phosphorous melt between my inner lip and gum, dropped herbal extracts of motherwort, passion flower, skullcap, wild oat, valerian, ashwaganda, lemon balm, and chamomile under my tongue. I mixed flower essences of violet, sweet chestnut, oak, elm, rock rose, mimulus, willow, and cherry plum into my water. I tried a vegan diet and a raw-food diet and a macrobiotic diet and an ayurvedic diet and a three-season diet and a sugar-free diet. I worked with shamans, herbalists, rolfers, hypnotists, chiropractors, astrologers, intuitives, Chinese energetics practitioners, Reiki healers, acupuncturists, and myofascial-release massage therapists. I studied ecopsychology to understand how the degradation of the Earth and the spoiling of our natural resources impacts our psyches. I sat in forests of logged trees and wailed. I sat alone three days in the desert without food, trying to grasp the root of my problem. I sweated for hours in sweat lodges, covering myself in mud in the pitch-black, airtight heat while men chanted and banged on drums and burned sage, and I emerged to feel wet and new under clear, deep-night skies. I sat several weeklong silent meditation retreats watching tree limbs breathe and the sun travel its daily arcs overhead. I lived on biodynamic farms and organic farms in the mountains of Arizona and the deserts of New Mexico and the forests of California and the hills of the Berkshires to heal any rift between my body and the rest of the natural world. I lived on yoga ashrams. I lived at retreat centers where people come to learn to be the most empowered and happy people they can be. I hiked sections of the Appalachian Trail and climbed down to the flat bottom of the Grand Canyon to listen to wind and rivers. I slept alone in the Superstition Wilderness. I lived in New York City and fed off intellectual stimulation and sex and sushi. I lived in Boston and did nothing but write and read as a way to channel my discomfort. I studied astrology, numerology, the Enneagram, and the Tarot deck to understand what basic influences are contributing to my problem. I experimented with celibacy. I rubbed sesame oil on my body after every shower. I anointed my head with sacred Indian Brahmi oil for protection. I spent days eating nothing but bananas and vanilla yogurt, flavors that are shown to have a calming affect on babies. I carried quartz and amethyst in my pockets for their reputed peace-inducing qualities and wore moonstone rings for serenity and turquoise rings for understanding and aventurine necklaces for bravery. I tried doing nothing and just seeing if my condition would improve on its own. I listened to meditation CDs before going to bed and meditation CDs before getting out of bed. I practiced yoga and tai chi and tapping on meridian points for emotional balance and release. I soaked in hot baths infused with sage and rose and lavender and pine. All of these things have helped. And still.

'The history of public debt is full of irony. It rarely follows our ideas of order and justice.' Thomas Piketty
by melo (melometa4(at)gmail.com) on Thu Jan 3rd, 2013 at 06:28:38 AM EST
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