In case you missed it, according to a U.K. government official's account of the call, Merkel told Johnson the U.K. cannot exit the EU without leaving Northern Ireland in a customs union with the EU forever.

As if. The German government confirmed the call took place, but wouldn't comment on what was said, pointing to its rule that such conversations are treated as confidential by the chancellor. But as if anyone has ever heard Merkel speak in absolute terms such as "never" or "forever." If Johnson's plan was to sabotage both the talks held in Brussels and the EU's trust in him, it went exactly according to plan.

Those who know Merkel know this: There's only one thing the chancellor hates more than people briefing out a confidential talk with her, and that's people inaccurately briefing out a confidential talk with her. Now raise your hand if you think the British account is accurate. We'll wait ... Anybody? ... Didn't think so.