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Bush Jokes

by Lupin Wed May 31st, 2006 at 11:01:38 AM EST

By public request (Jerome Q. Public), the latest Bush joke I heard; it's quite subservive (like the old Soviet jokes) -- pass it on.

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a  little PR. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name.

"Stanley," responds the little boy.

"And what is your question, Stanley?"

"I have 4 questions:

First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?

Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?

Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?"

Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don't have health insurance?"

Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right,question time. Who has a question?"

Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him his name.

"Steve," he responds.

"And what is your question, Steve?"

"Actually, I have 6 questions.

First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?

Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?

Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?

Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don't have health insurance?

Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?

And sixth, what the hell happened to Stanley?"


Display:
Bush is scheduled to deliver a speech at the opening ceremony of the Olympic games. Looking at the speech prepared for him, he starts: "O...O... O... O..."

The aide whispers into his ear: Mr President, this is not O, these are the Olympic rings."

by Lupin on Wed May 31st, 2006 at 11:07:25 AM EST
the latest Bush joke I heard; it's quite subservive (like the old Soviet jokes) -- pass it on.

It is an old Soviet joke, just with different names.

by MarekNYC on Wed May 31st, 2006 at 02:19:41 PM EST
No kidding? Wow.  It speaks volumes when folks are recycling Soviet jokes and applying them to America.
by Lupin on Thu Jun 1st, 2006 at 03:48:25 AM EST
[ Parent ]
"In this country, you press button to vote for candidate.
In Soviet Russia, voting machine presses you to vote for candidate."
by Number 6 on Thu Jun 1st, 2006 at 05:45:25 AM EST
[ Parent ]
Was it here or elsewhere I heard the Bush joke (which also sounds like a timeless tale with contemporary emendations):  in a line up of cars waiting for petrol at a Baghdad gas station a man is going on foot from car to car talking to each driver.  he reaches the next car and says:  "Hello, I am sorry to bother you, but I am taking up a collection.  I don't know if you have heard this but the Court of the Hague has sentenced Cheney, Rumsfeld, and Bush to be burnt at the stake in downtown Baghdad for their crimes against humanity, and my group feels that this is an inhuman and barbarous practise.  Therefore I am asking for donations for their legal defence."

The driver laughs bitterly, says "The best of British luck to you mate" or the equivalent, and asks what the average contribution is so far.  The man sighs and admits despondently, "About a litre of petrol."

Another Bush joke going around w/in the US:  "I am very worried about Dick Cheney's heart condition.  You realise if Cheney dies, Bush would be President?"

There was also a rather lengthy but amusing "explaining the Iraq invasion to a bright child" joke/story that I suspect has been reissued in critique of many wars and stupidities over the decades...

The difference between theory and practise in practise ...

by DeAnander (de_at_daclarke_dot_org) on Wed May 31st, 2006 at 06:06:26 PM EST
... before being put into practise.

The emperor may or may not have any clothes on, but he certainly has no shame.

by Number 6 on Thu Jun 1st, 2006 at 04:55:47 AM EST
[ Parent ]
But why the hell not... You can tell how dated it is by reading it...

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone. (Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

by Nomad on Thu Jun 1st, 2006 at 07:19:47 AM EST
He he!
So many versions of this. Sadly the original seems too long for the modern attention span.

I try fitting the current cabinet but "Dick" just gets dirty and there's no one like Watt around anymore. Rice isn't too bad I guess. (I assuming beyond Rice there are other people that the stupid, the bad, and the ugly.)

by Number 6 on Thu Jun 1st, 2006 at 08:02:44 AM EST
[ Parent ]
So Donald Rumsfeld walks in one morning to brief Bush on Iraq casualties.  He informs the president: "Sir, three Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday."

To the shock of the staff, Bush sinks into his chair and puts his head in his hands.

Finally, he lifts his head and says, "How many is a brazilian?"

Be nice to America. Or we'll bring democracy to your country.

by Drew J Jones (pedobear@pennstatefootball.com) on Thu Jun 1st, 2006 at 01:17:40 PM EST


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