by Ritter
Mon Jun 5th, 2006 at 04:57:50 PM EST
In the past we have already been discussing UK press articles about the English people's fine sense of humour and their funny attitude toward all things foreign. I think that time has come that we (continentals) openly admit our shortcomings and finally start to work on developing our wit. It won't be easy, but there's always hope.
We need a course on English humour. And a good one.
So, let's start with an aspect where English humour seems to be strongest: With WAR Humour!
You will all remember that the UK press gave FUNNY names to Iraqi ministers at the beginning of the invasion. One minister became "Chemical Ali" (he was the guy with the Weapons of Mass Destruction) and another became "Comical Ali" - that was the Iraqi Information Minister, who said all those outrageously humourous things.
OK then. Let us begin the course on fine English humour and read again what Comical Ali told the international press three years ago.
Please sit comfortably, relax - and LAUGH (oh, it is so funny)!
"No one received them with roses. They were received with bombs, shoes and bullets. Now, the game has been exposed. Awe will backfire on them. This is the boa snake. We will extend it further and cut it in the appropriate way.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
I would like to clarify a simple fact here: How can you lay siege to a whole country? Who is really under siege now? Baghdad cannot be besieged. Al-Nasiriyah cannot be besieged. Basra cannot be besieged.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
Iraqi fighters in Umm Qasr are giving the hordes of American and Brtish mercenaries the taste of definite death. We have drawn them into a quagmire and they will never get out of it.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
No, I am not scared and neither should you be!
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
Now even the American command is under siege. We are hitting it from the north, east, south and west. We chase them here and they chase us there. But at the end we are the people who are laying siege to them. And it is not them who are besieging us.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
Their tanks will become their tombs.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
The simple fact is this: they are foreigners inside a country which has rejected them. Therefore, these foreigners wherever they go or travel they will be rained down with bullets from everyone. Attacks by members of the resistance will only go up.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
The United Nations [is] a place for prostitution under the feet of Americans.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never!
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
There is no presence of American infidels in the city of Baghdad.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
These flops are hitting places which are mainly civilian. Their strikes against Baghdad increase proportionally with their failures on the war front.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
They are superpower of villains. They are superpower of Al Capone.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
They [the Americans] are going to surrender or be burned in their tanks. They will surrender, it is they who will surrender.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
The Americans are the people who are under siege. This is what should be understood here: Faltering forces of infidels cannot just enter a country of 26 million people and lay besiege to them!
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
Today, the tide has turned, we are destroying them.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
W. Bush, this man is a war criminal, and we will see that he is brought to trial.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
Washington has thrown their soldiers on the fire.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
We are in control, they are in a state of hysteria. Losers, they think that by killing civilians and trying to distort the feelings of the people they will win. I think they will not win, those bastards.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
We blocked them inside the city. Their rear is blocked.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
We will push those crooks, those mercenaries back into the swamp.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
We will welcome them with bullets and shoes."
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
When we were making the law, when we were writing the literature and the mathematics the grandfathers of Blair and little Bush were scratching around in caves.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
Yesterday, we slaughtered them and we will continue to slaughter them."
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
Did you enjoy the first lesson and have a jolly good laugh? Well, I thought so. That was sooo funny, was it not!?
Do you want more? Okay, the series on fine English humour and how to improve our poor continental wit level will be continued soon...
