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Short course on English humour

by Ritter Mon Jun 5th, 2006 at 04:57:50 PM EST

In the past we have already been discussing UK press articles about the English people's fine sense of humour and their funny attitude toward all things foreign. I think that time has come that we (continentals) openly admit our shortcomings and finally start to work on developing our wit. It won't be easy, but there's always hope.

We need a course on English humour. And a good one.

So, let's start with an aspect where English humour seems to be strongest: With WAR Humour!

You will all remember that the UK press gave FUNNY names to Iraqi ministers at the beginning of the invasion. One minister became "Chemical Ali" (he was the guy with the Weapons of Mass Destruction) and another became "Comical Ali" - that was the Iraqi Information Minister, who said all those outrageously humourous things.

OK then. Let us begin the course on fine English humour and read again what Comical Ali told the international press three years ago.

Please sit comfortably, relax - and LAUGH (oh, it is so funny)!

"No one received them with roses. They were received with bombs, shoes and bullets. Now, the game has been exposed. Awe will backfire on them. This is the boa snake. We will extend it further and cut it in the appropriate way.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

I would like to clarify a simple fact here: How can you lay siege to a whole country? Who is really under siege now? Baghdad cannot be besieged. Al-Nasiriyah cannot be besieged. Basra cannot be besieged.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

Iraqi fighters in Umm Qasr are giving the hordes of American and Brtish mercenaries the taste of definite death. We have drawn them into a quagmire and they will never get out of it.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

No, I am not scared and neither should you be!
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

Now even the American command is under siege. We are hitting it from the north, east, south and west. We chase them here and they chase us there. But at the end we are the people who are laying siege to them. And it is not them who are besieging us.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

Their tanks will become their tombs.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

The simple fact is this: they are foreigners inside a country which has rejected them. Therefore, these foreigners wherever they go or travel they will be rained down with bullets from everyone. Attacks by members of the resistance will only go up.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

The United Nations [is] a place for prostitution under the feet of Americans.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never!
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

There is no presence of American infidels in the city of Baghdad.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

These flops are hitting places which are mainly civilian. Their strikes against Baghdad increase proportionally with their failures on the war front.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

They are superpower of villains. They are superpower of Al Capone.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

They [the Americans] are going to surrender or be burned in their tanks. They will surrender, it is they who will surrender.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

The Americans are the people who are under siege. This is what should be understood here: Faltering forces of infidels cannot just enter a country of 26 million people and lay besiege to them!
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

Today, the tide has turned, we are destroying them.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

W. Bush, this man is a war criminal, and we will see that he is brought to trial.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

Washington has thrown their soldiers on the fire.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

We are in control, they are in a state of hysteria. Losers, they think that by killing civilians and trying to distort the feelings of the people they will win. I think they will not win, those bastards.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

We blocked them inside the city. Their rear is blocked.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

We will push those crooks, those mercenaries back into the swamp.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

We will welcome them with bullets and shoes."
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

When we were making the law, when we were writing the literature and the mathematics the grandfathers of Blair and little Bush were scratching around in caves.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

Yesterday, we slaughtered them and we will continue to slaughter them."
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

Did you enjoy the first lesson and have a jolly good laugh? Well, I thought so. That was sooo funny, was it not!?

Do you want more? Okay, the series on fine English humour and how to improve our poor continental wit level will be continued soon...


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by Sven Triloqvist on Mon Jun 5th, 2006 at 05:35:27 PM EST
Harmless. Handzahm.

'Il Male' reprints newpapers and brings them into the normal circuit of distribution at the news stands. There people buy it unaware of the fact that 'their' newspaper has been hijacked by a group of satirists.

Italian fun. This title reads:

"They want Silvio in Loreto Square."

In Piazza Loreto, Milan insurgents arrested and hanged Mussolini on his feet.

"The USA appears destined by fate to plague America with misery in the name of liberty." Simon Bolivar, Caracas, 1819

by Ritter on Mon Jun 5th, 2006 at 06:06:54 PM EST
[ Parent ]
Definitely one of their better efforts. :)
by ThatBritGuy (thatbritguy (at) googlemail.com) on Mon Jun 5th, 2006 at 07:49:31 PM EST
[ Parent ]
You missed the best one:

"Who are in control, they are not in control of anything - they don't even control themselves!"
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

by someone (s0me1smail(a)gmail(d)com) on Tue Jun 6th, 2006 at 02:46:06 AM EST
I disagree with your premise that this is English humour, this is English tabloid humour.

That does reflect the sense of humour of a large portion of the English, but it ain't my English humour.

Eats cheroots and leaves.

by NeutralObserver on Tue Jun 6th, 2006 at 12:40:35 PM EST
Ritter knows this. Recently he showcased Monty Python's German version of the Flying Circus (written and performed originally in German).

A society committed to the notion that government is always bad will have bad government. And it doesn't have to be that way. — Paul Krugman
by Carrie (migeru at eurotrib dot com) on Tue Jun 6th, 2006 at 12:43:27 PM EST
[ Parent ]
Please relax, it's a joke. What is wrong with you?

Snip ... to what is nothing else than a Bullshit Bingo attack:

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F 19 th on the ground - big success story - ideological problems - closed doors - Rumsfeld - he said a couple of things - they worked side by side like at the Indonesian tsunami - he made it clear that the - thank you very much Rachel.

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PS. You'r right NO, Falstaff doesn't belong to the Blairites, he's ours. Rock on Fal!

"The USA appears destined by fate to plague America with misery in the name of liberty." Simon Bolivar, Caracas, 1819

by Ritter on Tue Jun 6th, 2006 at 06:49:27 PM EST
[ Parent ]


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