by poemless
Tue Oct 9th, 2007 at 05:21:02 PM EST
Contents: Various men. Some Putin, some not, some Russian, some not, some attractive, some not, some gay, some not, some 007, some not, some good drivers, some not...
Sorry I've been so remiss in posting these lately. I could blame it on the fact that I kinda have a life and don't have a computer. (Coincidence? I think not!) Er, I'm posting this from an undisclosed location. As part of the shadow government. Yeah, that's it. But to be honest, I've just not been inspired to write. Not anything funny. Perhaps satire was just my way of coping with the realities facing the people of my country. I need not recount here the threats we Americans live with each and every moment of our lives. The fact is, like it or not, there are people out there who hate my way of life and are hell bent on destroying it! They have no morals and don't value life! They take our subways, ride in our planes, use our banks to funnel money to their nefarious ilk. The all dress funny and look alike. And if we don't kill them over there, they're gonna kill us over here!
One problem that arises is that they are led by our President, "over there" is our nation's capital and we are their army...
So you see how hopeless it all is... At some point it stops being funny and starts being boring. At some point creativity yields to survival. This is how we ended up with "art" movements like Socialist Realism. And do you remember any Soviet comedies? No. You don't. Nazi satire? Brilliant Khmer Rouge investigative journalism? You're probably thinking that, well, that's just because nasty regimes shoot all the cool people. Or maybe it's just that the cool people shot themselves... But maybe they just become completely catatonic as result of bad news every fucking day overload. Uh huh.
Ha. You're probably thinking - oh, sneaky. But no! I'm perfectly serious. I recently heard that a soldier can only see something like 200 days of action in war before he loses his mind and goes totally nuts. I've been living under the Bush regime for 7 years! You think I can keep cranking out lighthearted but insightful diaries for the rest of my life, Mig? I mean at this very second these are the headlines:
Supreme Court Won't Hear Torture Appeal
Democrats Seem Ready to Extend Wiretap Powers
Romney: Smartest guy in the room
Fuck!
Look. Putin might be unabashedly 100% evil and enemy #1 of the FT's freaky idea of "democracy," but I can promise you he was NOT in that room with Romney. Oh, and he also somehow manages to carry out his diabolical plans within the framework of his own bloody Constitution. And he's also somewhat attractive. Which gets under the skin of those frumpy democracy whores at the FT.
Putin.
Vladimir Vladimirovich turned 55 on Sunday and celebrated at the Kremlin with those crazy Nashi kids and some other bad guys who run the country. Sunday was also "Politkovskaya Day." Politkovskaya supporters say Putin celebrating his birthday on the anniversary of her death just because he can is illustrative of creeping authoritarianism, and they have accused him of being born on that day in order to deflect attention from her murder, making him the obvious suspect. Putin did not appreciate having his party rained on by these complainers and so he had them shot by Chechens.
That was not funny.
This is, a little.
Russian President Vladimir Putin - who apparently plans to remain in office by running for Prime Minister when his presidency/dictatorship expires - celebrated his 55th birthday Sunday. In honor of the occasion, Oleg Atbashian has translated for Pajamas Media some Putin jokes currently making the rounds of Russian internet sites.
(...)
Putin helps the Russian economy by filling the Earth with oil from his personal reserves. [my favorite]
(...)
If you pass this list to at least 10 different comrades in the next 15 minutes, you will receive an unexpected government subsidy and your enemies will have their gas and water cut off for a whole week.
However, if you ignore this message, bad luck will fall upon you. Garry Kasparov of Moscow disregarded this message. The next day his patience ran out, he took to the streets badmouthing Putin, and was arrested for inciting a riot. Other people who ignored this message include Alexander Litvinenko, Mikhail Khodorkovsky, Paul Klebnikov , Anna Politkovskaya, and countless others.
And about that PM maneuver, Mark Ames makes an observation that had previously escaped me:
Khodorkovsky's plan to take power rested on gaining enough influence with Russia's Duma to get them to change the constitution, weaken the powers of the presidency, turn Russia into a parliamentary republic like Britain or Germany, and put all power into the hands of the prime minister, who is not directly elected. Kasparov has argued for the same system, both publicly and privately.
Well, it looks like Putin--the future Prime Minister Putin-- has been listening. Indeed even in the spring of 2003, at the peak of his struggle with Khodorkovsky, Putin suggested that such a parliamentary system could be a good idea for Russia.
No one expected that this plan for taking power from Putin could be turned on its head, and used instead to keep Putin in power.
This isn't just eye-rah-nik...it is, in the words of Stewie, so deliciously evil it just has to be fattening.
Yum!
In unrelated news, the Times Online jumps aboard the Russian Love Fest Train:
Vladimir Putin rescued Russia from disaster: So let's just leave him be.
How often do you see a headline like that? Did Putin buy the Times or something? Or is my propaganda finally having the desired effect? Anyway, their hearts are in the right place, but they are obviously novices. He does not want to be left alone.
Say, I was watching Casino Royale the other night. Well, I fell asleep after the opening credits, which were actually seriously fantastic!! But ... do you think Putin looks like the new James Bond? Or is it just some cognitive association? I bet Vlad has a poster of Daniel Craig as James Bond somewhere. Probably meditates in front of it.
Separated at Spy School?
</insert Twilight Zone music>
And the Men Who Hate Him
1. Sarko.
Your terrible French President is in Moscow today kissing up to Vladimir Vladimirovich. What do you think he'll give Putin to make sure you citoyens stay warm this winter? Rien. Sarkozy's the Napoleon of the 21st Century. Which means the French will freeze to death at the hands of the Russians.
Apparently, he's a bad driver too.
Sarkozy tops list of terrible French president drivers.
PARIS, October 4 (RIA Novosti) - The French Auto Plus weekly newspaper on Thursday dubbed President Nicolas Sarkozy the most reckless French president ever. Behind the wheel, at least.
Every year the publication carries out a journalistic investigation, chasing the presidential cortege and recording all of its traffic violations. This year its journalists reported that from August 28 to September 26 the president gravely exceeded the speed limit eight times and ignored red lights just as often.
What is more, the cortege crossed into oncoming traffic twice and occupied a bus lane once, not to mention multiple cases of ignoring road signs.
Indignation was also provoked by the cortege itself, which is considered to be too large even for a president. Every time the president is out, his Citroen C6 is accompanied by two to four cars and a number of motorcyclists.
"Is the president acting as a role model or as a king who ignores the rules?" the newspaper asks.
You know what I'm thinking, cher Jerome? I'm thinking it's time you took a little bike ride... Do it! Do it! !!!
2. Misha.
Has he found religion? I suppose it's inevitable. For some reason, God spends a lot of time in prisons getting chummy with the criminals. I guess He's really in his element there or something.
From Robert Amsterdam:
MOSCOW: Mikhail Khodorkovsky, a former billionaire oil tycoon who has become a poster boy for the political opposition, has sent a missive from his Siberian jail cell appealing for Russians to live according to the highest morals.
"An appeal to morals today is all that we have left," Khodorkovsky wrote in the open letter posted on the Web site of the All-Russia Civil Congress, a rights group.
(...)
In his last missive from prison, issued in August 2005, shortly after his conviction, Khodorkovsky had warned of a growing sense of social injustice over post-Soviet reforms that had enriched a few and plunged the majority of Russians into poverty.
In this week's letter, Khodorkovsky referred several times to the need for faith. He said morals were the strongest and most important argument against the presence of hundreds of thousands of homeless children and the lack of medicines in a country with a budget surplus.
Morals also were the only argument "against terror and revolution as a means of solving political problems and against the shutting up of all sorts of dissenters," he wrote.
No, morals are not dependent upon religious code. But, we're talking about the guy who thought he should get away with massive theft and corruption because "everybody else was doing it"... I believe "ethically challenged" is a good designation for our dear moralizer. But damn, those eyes! How can I think moral thoughts with those eyes of his anyway?! (...I haven't seen a recent picture of him. I hope he's ok...)
BTW, for anyone interested, Robert Amsterdam does a "Daily Russia News Blast." Very handy, that.
3. Limonov.
Classic Limonov from the eXile.
As to the Western journalists, reporting on activity of "Other Russia" they see what they want to see. Very often what they see has nothing to do with reality. "The Observer" for example, in its article on October 1st, have written such rubbish: "In the past, Limonov have suffered of alcoholism and have written novels in the style of Charles Bukowski...Solzhenitsyn with disdain called him 'insect' and called his writing 'a pornography.' After living some time in the US, Limonov have founded in 1994 National-Bolsheviks Party and have called to put all the liberals in the camps."
When I read above quoted sentences, I said to myself, "The men who write it is an idiot. And degree of his idiocy is exceptional.
Sure, I never suffered of alcoholism, you have mixed me up with Bush. Solzhenitsyn never have said anything about me, although yes, I have attacked Solzhenitsyn in my books and articles. It was in the past, because Solzhenitsyn belongs to the past, and in present he is slowly dying of old age. I am called by many a best living Russian writer, as such I have many faces, and I disregard Charles Bukowski as a boring Californian swine. The United States is not an example or authority for me. And I founded National-Bolsheviks Party after 14 years long stay in Paris, France, not the United States. But foundation of NBP (no party is banned) has nothing to do with the US or France, I founded party out of necessity, for purpose of political struggle. My party is one of biggest and oldest and most disciplined political structures in Russia, despite that party is forbidden. That why Garry Kasparov made an alliance with me. I never called for putting liberals in the camps, needless to say.
(...)
I'm stating: I am reasonable, pragmatic man, experienced politician, polite as a diplomat. I have child, young wife. I like French books, red wine, camembert and especially oysters. I eat with a knife and fork. What else? I am not a drug addict. I am good looking. I am not overweight as most of Americans and English. My fingers are long, my wrists are narrow. I am not a bald. I know two foreign languages: French and English. I am able to write in both languages, although with slight errors. I am brushing my teeth every day.
I have spent 2-1/2 years in prisons, not for stealing or killing, but for attempt to realize my political ideas. I wasn't broken by Russian prisons. No other Russian politician have prison experience. If one has any questions to ask, ask, don't reprint idiotical inventions. Just ask. Because you look stupid, dear foreigners, stupid "Observer."
You think I'm this big fan of Putin, right, but if I were Russian I'd probably be a member of the NBP. Because the only guy more badass than Putin (or James Bond) has to be Limonov! (You can tell by the leather jacket.)
And plus, they are Commies!
4. Nikolai Alekseev.
Was in Chicago, lecturing about the banning of gay pride parades in Moscow.
I really support what they are trying to do over there. But I just think they're going about it in the wrong way. Nikolai should ditch the whole "parade" idea and organize his movement around "fishing trips." Go over Luzhkov's head and get Vlad on his side. And is Luzhkov going to go up against Putin? Is anyone going to go up against Putin? Of course not.
Well, not outside his little fishing expeditions, anyway. ;) Yikes!
~~~~~
Ok, that's all, my friends. Savor it. Who knows how more of these there will be before I'm trotted off to Gitmo.
What's that? You still want the hot guy picture at the end? Sigh... Ok.
I wont debate who is the best James Bond. Every generation is partial to "their" actor I guess. I liked Pierce Brosnan. Because I think I have his genes. But it's really hard to argue with this one:
<< exhales >> I need to go watch the rest of that movie...
Ok, have a lovely week, everyone!
Ciao!
