by FPS Doug
Tue Dec 25th, 2007 at 08:45:36 PM EST
(From the notebooks of "Jacob Freeze")
So there I was, crouching in a sub-basement in my tin foil hat, thinking the CIA couldn't locate me with the chip they implanted in my brain at birth. I was so wrong!
In research conducted at the Electrical Engineering and Computer Science Department of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, originally published in 2005 but completely suppressed by the mainstream media, Ali Rahimi, Ben Recht, Jason Taylor, and Noah Vawter discovered that instead of attenuating all radio signals, tin foil hats actually amplify exactly the same waveband used by GPS trackers!
Rahimi, Recht, Taylor, and Vawter conclude that the urban legend about the efficacity of tin foil hats was most likely promulgated by the FCC to assist other government agencies (OGA) tasked with tracking down "subversives."
They know where we are!
Editor's note: The study reported here and the absurd skit by "Jacob Freeze" that presents it were rescued from an otherwise well-deserved obscurity because of the mysterious convergence between predator and prey which persuaded paranoids intent on escaping electronic surveillance by the CIA to select exactly the right material for revealing their location to imaginary persecutors, a situation strangely reminiscent of the convergence in particle physics between a newly created positron and the electron that inevitably appears out of nowhere on exactly the right track to intersect and merge with the positron in mutual annihilation.
So analogously with basic physics we can predict that the CIA will eventually intersect and merge with the community of paranoids so completely that the Agency will be laughed out of existence because all its resources will be devoted to surveillance of tin foil hats.
