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Sarkozy wins French election with 129% of the vote

by Monsieur le Prof Sun May 6th, 2007 at 07:04:48 AM EST

'We believe the results are completely trustworthy,' says Interior Ministry

Reported in the La Rochelle Times

Alex Terrieur
La Lune de la presse internationale

PARIS, FRANCE

Conservative presidential candidate Nicolas Sarkozy easily won the second round of the French elections Sunday, taking in a whopping 129% of the popular vote, sources reported to the La Rochelle Times. Socialist candidate Ségolène Royal received a mere -29%. The vote tally was based on a new computer system set up by the Interior Ministry, which used an experimental calculation method. In socialist-leaning neighborhoods, as well as areas with high percentage of government employees, all recorded tallies gave two votes per person to Nicolas Sarkozy, and negative one to Ségolène Royal. In more "normal" communities, with a white majority of households who earn more than forty thousand Euros annually, each vote was counted only three times in favor of Mister Sarkozy. According to the Interior Ministry, the new system "worked quite well" and "the result is very reliable, if perhaps somewhat audacious," explained Anne Equedotte, a spokeswoman for French polling places. "There's really no reason to doubt the results," she added. "We believe they are completely trustworthy."


France celebrates its new President elected by a supermajority

Throughout France people welcomed the results and began looking forward to the new "Sarkozy era."

"It's awesome that Sarkozy is President," said a young man from a poor neighborhood in Nantes. "I mean I've had enough of going to school and all that, and now I'll have it easy in prison. I won't have to take care of my family and my neighbors and all that bullshit. It's going to be fucking great!"

In Bercy there was a similar mood. "Hell yeah, it's awesome that Mister Sarkozy got elected!" explained a student from Paris' prestigious Ecole de Sciences Politiques. "I'm happy that we French had the sensibility to elect a new President by an absolute supermajority, who won't be afraid to reform everything to be more like the United States. It's about time! I'm so fucking happy about the results! And I think every French person should be obliged to think the same way, because there's absolutely no reason to doubt the voting results."

The new President-elect was expected late in the evening for a speech in Paris. Most of the electorate that voted in Socialist-leaning communities were ready to leave as early as tomorrow for new re-education camps, where they would learn how to respect their new President and render service unto the Republic under his new leadership.

The highly reputed La Rochelle Times will keep readers informed of this story as it develops.

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Will the State be paying for my re-education?

Cause if they aren't, I'm in the streets man!

Give me re-education or give me dearth. I need fewer reliable statistics, a less reliable societal structure and, and...and free transportation to my re-education.

As the first sign that I am re-educated, I'm buying some stocks in the private transport industry and, oh yes...the prison industry so that we can be like that paragon of neo-liberalism, California!

Never underestimate their intelligence, always underestimate their knowledge.

Frank Delaney ~ Ireland

by siegestate (siegestate or beyondwarispeace.com) on Sun May 6th, 2007 at 08:42:10 AM EST
I am not sure what you are thinking but California is clearly a Blue state.
I doubt that the politicians in California even think of neoliberalism.
Why not stop by Santa Barbara where we watch:
Bloodlines
There is a little clip of it at the SB site-adult content.

Rutherfordian ------------------------------ RDRutherford
by Ronald Rutherford (rdrradio1 -at- msn -dot- com) on Mon May 7th, 2007 at 03:37:36 AM EST
[ Parent ]
You don't spend a lot of time in the Inland Empire or the Central Valley, do you?

Bush is a symptom, not the disease.
by Migeru (migeru at eurotrib dot com) on Mon May 7th, 2007 at 03:44:44 AM EST
[ Parent ]
Maybe not, but do you spend time in SF and Santa Barbara?

Rutherfordian ------------------------------ RDRutherford
by Ronald Rutherford (rdrradio1 -at- msn -dot- com) on Mon May 7th, 2007 at 01:30:58 PM EST
[ Parent ]
I went to SF three times and to Santa Barbara 4 times in the 4 years I was in California.

Bush is a symptom, not the disease.
by Migeru (migeru at eurotrib dot com) on Mon May 7th, 2007 at 03:58:33 PM EST
[ Parent ]
I'd like to laugh, but the illustration gives me the crawlies.
by afew (afew(a in a circle)eurotrib_dot_com) on Sun May 6th, 2007 at 10:52:02 AM EST
"I mean I've had enough of going to school and all that, and now I'll have it easy in prison. I won't have to take care of my family and my neighbors and all that bullshit. It's going to be fucking great!"

France, the 2nd coming of the USA??

"Once in awhile we get shown the light, in the strangest of places, if we look at it right" - Hunter/Garcia

by whataboutbob on Sun May 6th, 2007 at 01:46:05 PM EST
A wife beater for President of France.  
by zoe on Sun May 6th, 2007 at 01:52:33 PM EST
I guess you would rather have a verbal abusive woman, no?

Rutherfordian ------------------------------ RDRutherford
by Ronald Rutherford (rdrradio1 -at- msn -dot- com) on Mon May 7th, 2007 at 02:16:52 AM EST
[ Parent ]
Any time.

*Lunatic*, n.
One whose delusions are out of fashion.
by DoDo on Mon May 7th, 2007 at 02:24:09 AM EST
[ Parent ]
Why would the majority of French voters choose a man that reinforces all of the worst stereotypes around the world about them?
by paving on Sun May 6th, 2007 at 01:55:51 PM EST
It's called reform.

You can buy it wholesale from the US, which holds the patent on it, but is generously willing to share, for only a small consideration.

by ThatBritGuy (thatbritguy (at) googlemail.com) on Sun May 6th, 2007 at 02:06:50 PM EST
[ Parent ]
i think they just hate the brown immigrants
by paving on Sun May 6th, 2007 at 02:17:07 PM EST
[ Parent ]
You mean the brown French?

Bush is a symptom, not the disease.
by Migeru (migeru at eurotrib dot com) on Sun May 6th, 2007 at 05:13:10 PM EST
[ Parent ]
Well, they are all on benefits, by definition.
by ThatBritGuy (thatbritguy (at) googlemail.com) on Sun May 6th, 2007 at 06:37:08 PM EST
[ Parent ]


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