by Monsieur le Prof
Tue May 8th, 2007 at 05:37:29 AM EST
'We're going to have to replace a lot of vehicles,' say automakers
La Lune de la presse internationale
After the triumpant and glorious victory of Nicolas Sarkozy over the French electorate on Sunday, when the newly elected head of state received 129% of the popular vote, automobile makers celebrated the continued governance of the conservative right. Congratulating Mister Sarkozy for his well-run campaign against the other less-qualified candidates, the presidents of Renault, Citroën and Peugeot have annonced they will continue to support conservative politics in France, in order to create a greater demand for new vehicles.
"On average, every day in France there are three hundred cars that are burned," explained François-François François, a spokesman for Renault. "With Mister Sarkozy coming to power, we hope that we can double or even triple this number. People in France will have to buy more and more cars to replace the burned out ones, and this will quickly improve our profit margins."
The directors of automobiles companies will soon hold a meeting with the new government in order to formulate new political measures and stimulate economic growth. They hope to develop plans to bring about more violence in troubled neighborhoods and sensitive areas, in order to rapidly increase the demand for new vehicles that will be produced cheaply in Eastern Europe. Citizens will be encouraged to replace their destroyed vehicles with new ones at three times their actual retail value in order to help improve the French economy.
"This is a new plan which goes perfectly with the ideologies of Mister Sarkozy," commented Destin Toulouse, a member of Peugeot's Board of Directors. "By creating some more misery in the poor areas, we create more violence, and a lot more cars will go up in flames. With the new strikes we're expecting, public transport will be at a standstill. So, out of necessity, people will have to buy new cars on credit, and that will prop up the banks, the automotive industry, and even the justice system. The Socialists could never have given us such an opportunity."
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