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Incarceration to solve dependency on foreign oil

by Monsieur le Prof Tue Aug 14th, 2007 at 02:47:10 PM EST

Group urges higher incarceration rate to reduce reliance on foreign oil imports

'More behind bars, fewer in cars,' say experts

Ken Ustandet
La Lune de la presse internationale

Reported in the La Rochelle Times


The Citizens' Organization for National Security (CONS) urged lawmakers to pass more restrictive and draconian laws after the August 2007 recess, in order to dramatically increase the incarceration rates across the nation. The group claims in its latest report entitled Jailing America: The Road to Foreign Energy Independence that incarcerating more of the American population would decrease domestic reliance on oil imports.

"Right now the United States has about 2 million people incarcerated, or about 1% of the adult population," said Noah Paulajese, a spokesman for CONS. "What we're advocating is a much higher rate, along the lines of 20 to 30%. By locking up nearly a third of all American citizens, we can begin to reduce fuel usage, as these people will no longer be part of the active workforce. Their collective isolation from society will decrease energy consumption, by allowing the state to mandate their living conditions."

Paulajese further explained that Congress must act now to pass brand new rigorous and frivolous laws that would criminalize most, if not all, everyday behavior. Law enforcement officials could then begin detaining larger percentages of citizens, whose demand for energy would consequenty be removed from markets.

In the report, CONS suggested laws criminalizing behaviors such as excessively loud snoring, direct eye contact between members of the same sex, and overt yawning. Previously some conservative states have tried to adopt such measures, only to see support weaken among their human citizens. The CONS report is the first effort to advocate such legislation on a federal level.

Representative Amanda Tori Sentenz (R-FL) applauded the report early Thursday. "Frankly, it's about time we had a real discussion in this country about behavior that threatens our national security on a daily basis. I think linking our nation's safety with a smart energy policy is the best step forward, and I welcome this report from CONS, as I'm sure any patriotic American does.

"It's high time we took a stand against these horrible criminal acts," Sentenz continued. "I urge my colleagues to heed our words now, before it's too late. Last year alone, excessive snoring accounted for more than half of all national sleep loss, and those numbers are only going up. According to a recent government study, eye contact between members of the same sex has been observed in nearly every homosexual relationship. We need to put a stop to this before it destroys our families, our homes, and our children's future."

Some international oil companies were cautious after the release of the CONS report Wednesday, explaining that incarcerating too many Americans could bite into their profit margins.

"We need to be careful about how we go about these meaures," said BP spokesman Tony Blair. "I think most people accept a certain percentage of incarcerated Americans, maybe even as high as five percent, but taking things too far could erode the free market economy on which America so depends."

Republicans are expected to sway most Democratic lawmakers by September, when new laws will be quickly enacted in order to allow the Department of Homeland Security and other, privatized police forces to begin rounding up outlaws throughout the nation. The resulting boom in the prison population would have benefits for the economy as well, creating jobs in the corrections and law enforcement sectors. New prison construction is also expected to offset the declining housing market.

Senator Phil Abusder (D-MI) was among the first to cross party lines and embrace the new policy suggestions on Thursday. At a press conference in Michigan the Senator explained that "adopting a higher incarceration rate would reduce a lot of the side effects of our dependency on foreign energy, and would help the economy by keeping down wages and unemployment. I intend to support whatever laws are needed to put a larger percentage of my constituents behind bars, and I hope all Democrats who love America will do the same."

Crossposted at Daily Kos.

What is the best way to reduce dependency on foreign oil?
. Lock 'em all up 20%
. Use it all up 10%
. Third mortgage for new SUV purchase 0%
. Bicycle and recycle 50%
. Bomb, invade, plunder; repeat 20%
. I don't know I just live here 0%

Votes: 10
Results | Other Polls
That photo is so monastic and cathedral like, it´s almost inspiring.

Thanks for the laugh, but please don´t give´em any ideas.  The US reality is close enough.

Our knowledge has surpassed our wisdom. -Charu Saxena.

by metavision on Tue Aug 14th, 2007 at 04:28:53 PM EST
No kidding. How about we change "Don't mess with ..." to "Keep the F*** out of ..."

sapere aude
by Number 6 on Wed Aug 15th, 2007 at 07:29:43 AM EST
[ Parent ]
Funny, I keep hearing "Ode to Joy" or the Hallelujah Chorus.

("Est Europa nunc unita et unita maneat."
Yep, manatees unite. Go manatees.)

sapere aude

by Number 6 on Wed Aug 15th, 2007 at 07:35:22 AM EST
[ Parent ]
The US reality is sometimes too strange and too dreadful for words.  Execution for being near a murder?
Kenneth Foster's time is running out.

On Tuesday, August 7, in a six-to-three decision, the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals denied his final writ of habeas corpus, giving the legal green light for his execution. Foster, who is scheduled to die by lethal injection on August 30, is now at the mercy of the merciless Board of Pardons and Paroles. The odds are bad. Five out of seven board members must recommend clemency before Governor Rick Perry will consider it -- and in a state that has executed nearly 400 people in thirty years, clemency has only been granted twice. But Foster's supporters, who are spearheading a letter-writing campaign to the board and governor, are relying on one particularly salient detail to move their minds, if not their hearts: Foster didn't kill anyone.

Foster was convicted for the 1996 murder of Michael LaHood Jr., who was shot following a string of robberies, by a man named Mauriceo Brown. Brown admitted to the shooting and was executed by lethal injection last year. Now Foster faces the same fate. So, if Brown was the shooter, what did the 19-year-old Foster do to get a death sentence? He sat in his car, 80 feet away, unaware that a murder was taking place.

Foster was convicted under Texas's "law of parties," a twist on a felony murder statute that enables a jury to convict a defendant who was not the primary actor in a crime. This can mean sentencing someone to death even if he or she had no proven role in a murder. Texas's law states that "if, in the attempt to carry out a conspiracy to commit one felony, another felony is committed by one of the conspirators, all conspirators are guilty of the felony actually committed, though having no intent to commit it." Defendants, the Texas courts say, can be held responsible for "failing to anticipate" that the "conspiracy" -- in Foster's case, the robberies, for which he was the getaway driver -- would lead to a murder. Foster's sentence, death row prisoner Mumia Abu-Jamal recently commented, "criminalizes presence, not actions."

Another in the ongoing series of legislative precedents leading towards thought-crime and association-crime (and their concomitant, collective punishment).  To be the friend of a murderer is a tragedy;  to be executed for being the friend of a murderer is some kind of psychosis-of-the-State.

The difference between theory and practise in practise ...

by DeAnander (de_at_daclarke_dot_org) on Tue Aug 14th, 2007 at 09:21:03 PM EST
Texas and California are particularly draconian.

you are the media you consume.

by MillMan (millguy at gmail) on Wed Aug 15th, 2007 at 01:04:58 AM EST
[ Parent ]
I especially like "BP spokesman Tony Blair."

"Smith, why have you switched off Fox News?"

sapere aude

by Number 6 on Wed Aug 15th, 2007 at 07:31:27 AM EST
"We need to be careful about how we go about these meaures," said BP spokesman Tony Blair.

beat me to it!

great diary, parody is the sharpest tool in the box.

the terrible, logical next step is all the prisoners turning electricity-producing flywheels all day, or out-producing the chinese in poisonous junk, (can't be feeding these no-good bums valuable protein without getting something in return!), and for those unfortunate to fall sick and die, rendering into oil like they do with turkey gizzards.

as for giving them ideas, ha ha...they have plans that make these look like kids'stuff, bet on it..

 wouldn't we consider it an honour to provide our new overlords with an extra hummer-mile or two in return for our miserable proletarian existences?

after harvesting our organs, natch...

'The history of public debt is full of irony. It rarely follows our ideas of order and justice.' Thomas Piketty

by melo (melometa4(at)gmail.com) on Wed Aug 15th, 2007 at 04:14:02 PM EST
[ Parent ]

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