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Biochemist Goes to War: 7

by THE Twank Sat Mar 25th, 2017 at 06:05:48 AM EST

A Biochemist Goes To War  Part VII

Welcome to Washington D.C.

Scene 1: The Pot Shop, post bloodbath.  Rory; "Jeff, I told you last time, I don't work human based problems ... I'm a scientist ... I do sets of controlled experiments. I don't see how I can help you." "When I got back to D.C., I talked to my boss, Lenny. I told him about you ... you being a generalized problem solver ... and we agreed we had a problem.  That golf course thing has us spooked ... never saw anything like it. Guys' dicks turning black and needing to be amputated ... gnarly." "So that's what was up when you were here last ... you never said." "Yeah, anyway ... I told Lenny we could use a fresh pair of eyes around this place and you would be just the person.  He said he'd talk to his boss but he didn't hold out much hope ... budget cutbacks and all.  Lenny's son-in-law knew one of the guys from the golf course ... you know what it's like to visit a friend who just had his dick cut off?  Pretty scary scene ... now they're looking for a dick donor ... the guy wants to scale up to something big and black ... like in the pornos.  That'll be freaky looking ... pink body ... big black dick." "Well, Christmas is coming ... look at it from the wife's point of view ... something to fill up her ... stocking." "Yeah, real funny ... didn't know you did stand-up.  And now this mass killing with hundreds dead ... what the hell is it with Illinois ... what they puttin'  in the water?  This has Lenny's boss freaking ... he thinks there's some terrorist group out to get ... US." "OK, you just said the magic word ... terrorist.  Since 9-11, that word opens up the piggy bank ... big time.  This is what you do, Jeff.  Tell your boss ... Lenny is it? ... that for my services I want one hundred MILLION dollars ... all in cash, hundreds.  Fifty mil up front ... the balance when I complete the job. Got that?" "A fucking hundred million ... Lenny will crap his pants ... God knows what his boss will say." "Remind them both they may have a terrorist group out to get them ... you only need to die once ... it tends to be permanent." "I'll get back to you." "Yeah, you do that ... (click) ... nimrod." Turns to Conrad who was listening to the conversation; "Can you believe that joker ... that should scare him away." "Why so ... the hundred million?  That's nothing to those clowns. That's taxpayers money ... they don't care.  Terrorists threatening their lives ... especially after that Rep. Krupt incident.  Don't think they don't have that in the back of their mind ... it could've been them." "That's OK, we won't be hearing from them again." Rory's phone buzzes; shit, him again; "Yeah Jeff, what now?" "How's this ... we pay you one million in cash for one day of your time?" "Fine.  Write this down ... this is how it's going to go.  Do everything I say ... we'll be fine.  Screw up one thing ... I'm out.  Ready to write?"

Scene 2: The Pot Shop. Rory and Conrad, just after the Rory/Jeff call. Rory: "If we do this right we'll get a whole bunch of bugs in the Congress and a cool mil for your special projects." "Yeah, but not a lot of time to trouble shoot this baby ... they want you on that plane to D.C.  tomorrow" "I don't blame them ... haven't you heard ... there's a bunch of crazed terrorists out to get them ... probably a-rabs."  Big smiles.

Scene 3: 5:45 a.m. ... just starting to get light.  Rory sitting on a park bench ... a small grove of trees behind him.  Rory has on his new multi-functional wristwatch designed by one of Conrad's compatriots.  A limousine pulls up to the curb ... the driver steps out ...  has a briefcase ... approaches Rory.  Rory places the briefcase on the bench ... opens it ... one million dollars in hundreds. Rory: "Ain't that a beautiful sight?  Want one of the wads ... there's plenty of `em.  Driver; "Thank you sir ... very generous of you, sir but it would mean my job."  "OK, let's go." Rory snaps the briefcase shut ... stands ... both gentlemen approach the limo ... the driver opens the door for Rory. Rory almost gets in, stops and says "This is going to be a long trip. I've got to take a leak ... give me a minute." Rory approaches the grove of trees where Conrad is waiting, out of sight, crouched down. Rory hands Conrad the briefcase and gets an identical one in return. Rory heads back to the limo, gets in, the driver closes the door ... the limo drives off.  Conrad: "Got to get this back home and see if it's bugged ... would surprise me if it wasn't."

Scene 4: Rory sitting in Senator Buttfuck's office.  Buttfuck: "How was your trip, son?  Everyone treating you right?  See you got your satchel of cash."  "I'm doing fine, Sir.  Just waiting to find out why I'm here. Jeff of the EIS is clueless and his boss Lenny is tightlipped.  Maybe you have an answer or two." "Want a drink?  I never start serious negotiations without a snort."  "Nope. Don't drink alcohol anymore ... used to ... had to stop. Now I don't touch the stuff ... got better ways to deal with life." "Yeah, like what ... broads?"  "Nah, moved on from them, too.  Now, if something really bothers me, I solve the problem.  I DO something."  "And that's why you're here, son.  Let's start with something small ... the deaths of that asshole Krupt, his family, and the recent slaughter of people in your neck of the woods.  I KNOW who's responsible." (long pause as the Senator takes a swig. Rory thinks,  "How did this ignorant fucker figure this out?")  "It's obvious as the nose on my face ... it's ...

Scene 5: The Pot Shop. Conrad is testing to see if the briefcase or the money is bugged in some way.  He's listening to the conversation between Rory and Buttfuck ... Rory's lapel pin is one of Conrad's flies.  "And that's why you're here, son.  Let's start with something small ... the deaths of that asshole Krupt, his family, and the recent slaughter of people in your neck of the woods.  I KNOW who's responsible." (long pause) "Oh shit, we're busted." "It's obvious as the nose on my face ... it's ...

Scene 6: The Pot Shop. Rory is back from D.C.  ... the two are listening to the playback of Rory's conversation with Buttfuck.  Buttfuck: "And that's why you're here, son.  Let's start with something small ... the deaths of that asshole Krupt, his family, and the recent slaughter of people in your neck of the woods.  I KNOW who's responsible.  (long pause)  It's obvious as the nose on my face ... it's ..."  Conrad pauses the playback. "I swear, when I heard those words, I thought of packing up but I realized I had no place to go.  I thought we were really screwed." "Yeah, try being in my shoes ... I didn't know if I would get out of the building or wake up in GitMo.  Rumor has it they're filling that place up again ... with bad hombres, if I remember right.  I think I might qualify.  Keep playing" "Let me back up ... for dramatic effect ..." "And that's why you're here, son.  Let's start with something small ... the deaths of that asshole Krupt, his family, and the recent slaughter of people in your neck of the woods.  I KNOW who's responsible.  (pause)  It's obvious as the nose on my face ... it's ... the CIA.  This wet work is their trademark ... they just love to kill people ... the Kennedys learned that the hard way, even that fat drunken fuck Ted.  They finally completed the set.  The rest of the family is laying low ... not wanting to join their famous relatives.  Rory: "Aren't all those guys ... you know ..." "What ... gay? No, that's the FBI.  It's on their intro application. Name ... social security number ... Are you a butt pirate?  Boxes for yes ... no ... what the hell is a butt pirate? Any answer other than yes and you get tossed.  Started with Hoover  and his main squeeze, Tolson.  They say Tolson would play the piano, sing "There is Nothing Like a Dame", Hoover would be there in his pink chiffon and heels, smoking a cigar, and Hoover would sing "I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Out of My Hair".  Don't go to one of their parties ... all anal lube and show tunes.  But I digress ... where was I?  Oh yeah, why I asked you to come see me.  Rumor has it you got this big brain ... you solve problems ... all sorts of problems. You're a "get it done" kind of guy.  Well, I've got a problem for you ... one word ... MARS!

Next Time: Mars


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